A Few Days on My Own

April 01, 2011, By Craig J. Heimbuch 0 comments

I did something this week I haven't done in a long time. It's something I used to do regularly, before kids, before the tug and pull of schedule and responsibility. And I thought I would enjoy it much more than what I did. I mean, it was fine, but it felt strange, empty. 

What did I do?

I watched a couple of my favorite TV shows as they were airing. 

This is terribly unusual these days. Normally, my evenings are so busy, rushing from practices and playgroups to dinner, dishes, the bathtub and bed. But my wife and kids were out of town for three nights this week. That meant "Castle," "Modern Family" and "No Reservations" with commercials. It also meant being alone.

The first night was fine. It was kind of nice to come home, make some dinner and get into my sweats to relax until I fell asleep on the couch. The second night, I made it in to bed. The third night, I barely slept. I was uneasy by then, uncomfortable. My life has come to be defined by the chaos, it has become comfortable. It's one thing to be alone because I'm traveling for work or to visit someone. It's another thing entirely to be alone in your own house. Like I mentioned, uncomfortable.

I had to work late last night, so, by the time I got home, my wife was already home and the kids were in bed. Seeing her, tired from the drive and being alone with three kids for four days, it felt like I was actually coming home for the first time all week. We didn't maul each other with hugs, there was no teary hello. It was as if I came home from work like any other day. I helped her unpack the car, put the baby to bed and checked on the boys. We started to watch the episodes of TV she missed while she was gone, but, honestly, we barely made it through a single episode before we both fell asleep on the couch.

This morning our oldest woke me up with a shove. A few minutes later, the baby started crying and, just as I was bringing her to my wife, I heard our middle child say "Daddy!" like my name would bring Christmas. He ran to me and hugged my leg. We spent 20 minutes together, all gathered around and on our bed. The kids were smiling, my wife was trying to steal a few more minutes of sleep and I, eventually, needed to get ready for work. 

The kids, especially the middle one, didn't want me to go. They didn't want me to leave - they just got me back. And I don't want to leave. I want to stay with them, but even though I have to go, I know I have something to look forward to later on... coming home.