They Will Feel the Power of Our Wallets

October 20, 2011, By Craig J. Heimbuch 3 comments

It's two minutes after 11 and the gym has just closed. I'm sweating, my pulse still a little elevated from pushing hard the last five minutes on the treadmill. I know it's going to take me an hour to calm down, shower and fall asleep and I'm bracing myself for the rain outside when my text message alert goes off. 

"Will you stop and get some milk?"

I should expect these kinds of messages by now. It seems every time I'm at the gym or working late at the neighborhood Starbucks that there is something my wife will realize she needs. And I've gotten used to the idea of being a gopher, a grocery store regular in search of one or two items a couple or three times a week. I'm also comfortable making the big runs, but those usually happen on Sunday evenings when the kids are settling in for bed and my wife is catching up on her shows saved on the DVR. I like going to the grocery store. I listen to my iPod and stroll the aisles with the languidness of a guy who has no place else to be. Sure, sometimes I'm in a hurry and deploy the laser-like focus of a man possessed, but most of the time I browse the items on my list as much as I actually buy them. I look for deals. I'm mindful of sales and two-for-ones. My shoppers card is nearly worn out.

All told, I'd say I make point-of-sale decisions three or four days a week and have ever since our son was born seven years ago. My wife knows I have a hard time sitting still on the couch, that I need to be in motion and feeling useful or else I feel the opposite. When we were first married, we did the shopping together. Now, three kids later, the only time we're both in the grocery or box store together is when we're already out as a family and have to stop on our way to someplace else. On those occasions, my role is more of a kid-wrangler and breaker of the mental ties that sometimes make it hard for my wife to decide between one brand or another. I'm comfortable making such important decisions as whether to buy the name brand fabric softener or the one with the store label on it. I do small calculations on the cost per ounce or the price per serving. When it comes to food, I find I'm just as likely to weigh the relative health merits of snacks for kids and I'm just as likely to take the coupons from the little automated dispensers on the shelves as any other shopper.

I'm not alone either. Not the only man wandering the late night aisles, scanning the prices on a Sunday night. Seems every time I'm at the grocery store, I see just as many men shopping alone as women and most of them are wearing rings. I bring all this up because a recent story from Ad Age breaks the news that dads are shopping more than ever. More than half, according to a study cited in the article, identify themselves as the primary grocery shopper in their household, though just 22% to 24% feel like they are spoken to by advertisers with equal respect as their better halves.

The story cites several examples of consumer package goods manufacturers launching promotions and programs specifically aimed at men. It also cites the pitfalls some brands have encountered when taking dad for granted, including one from Ragu that asked mom bloggers what dinner time was like when dad cooks. The implication is that men can't cook and are somehow just dumb enough that a simple product like spaghetti sauce may help them out. A friend, blogger and brand advocate, C.C. Chapman, took offense and concluded in a blog post that "Ragu Hates Dads." 

I can't say I got quite as worked up as C.C. did about the campaign and didn't air my sense of offense publicly, but I suppose that has to do with the fact that I sometimes take for granted the short shrift men get when it comes to all things domestic (lawn care and care maintenance being the exceptions).

But I think C.C. has a point. 

We've long known that marriage and parenting has been in a state of evolution. Long gone are the Ward Cleaver days of clear division of labor based on sex, of the dad being the stoic and distant provider and mom being the domestic engineer and nurturer. Fact is, I'm not sure those days ever existed. Marriage today is a partnership based on a long to-do list. There are items pertaining to the household, to the kids, to the finances and a whole host of other things that need to be done to maintain a successful life. And the pressure on success has never been greater, not in my lifetime anyway. 

In my marriage, in my house and family, there's no such thing as Man's Work and Woman's Work. There's just work. We divide up based on schedule, ability and need. I do the grocery shopping because I like doing it, and it checks one of the items off that list. Do I feel like I deserve attention from brands as a father? Absolutely. But mostly this has to do with good business instead of a fragile ego. I understand why CPG brands have focused on women for so long. They were reaching their customers. No faulting them there. But I'm a customer too. I deserve to be treated with dignity and with the same respect I'd expect anyone willing to purchase something ought to be. Reaching me should be important to brands because I, too, am a customer, and if Brand X doesn't reach out, but Brand Y does, I'm more like to take my business further down the alphabet. 

Alienating dads, making us the butt of a joke, is a bad business decision based on the lowest denomination of thinking. The old idea of basing a campaign on the notion that dads are somehow dumb and inately inept is not only offensive—more to some than others—but simply bad marketing. It's alienating. It's the comedian who tells scat jokes because he can't think of anything to say or the band that plays covers because they can't write a song worth hearing. Scat comedians and cover bands limit their ability to succeed because they aren't original. They are a dime a dozen. And brands that ignore dad or, worse, alienate him, will also hit a ceiling for success. 

I realize it sounds self-serving for the editor of a website like this one, that focuses on reaching dads, to write all this. But it's also the reason why ManoftheHouse.com is the way it is. We don't feel the need to demean women in order to lift up men; we don't put moms down in order to praise dads. We simply talk to dads as men, as people in a stage in their lives when they are developing into the person they will be for the rest of their lives. We know men can figure out a diaper and put together a meal. We know that he wants to do a better job tomorrow of being a positive influence and contributor to his family than he was yesterday. We don't have to take shots at moms in order to do this; we just need to speak to him in a language he understands. And, so far, we've been pretty successful doing it. 

So why then do CPG brands feel the need to put dad down or exclude him in order to reach women? It's not a matter of simply focusing on "Her," the target consumer that has been the target consumer for four decades. It's something more than that. Fear? Maybe, though I can't for the life of me imagine how opening your brand up to a wider audience should scare anyone. A lack of understanding of the role a dad plays in the household? Probably. But those brands that have made men a priority, those that have had the vision to speak to dad like they've spoken to mom before are seeing returns on their forethought. And those who don't?

They will feel the power of our wallets.