Why Modern Family is the Most Important Show on TV

February 09, 2011, By Craig J. Heimbuch 19 comments

Reality TV killed the device. Or at least it beat it severely and left it for dead in the gutter. Fat people getting skinny, poor people getting rich by eating bugs, CEOs cleaning toilets, single people getting married to total strangers after courting them among the throng - the whole 'genre' represents, to me, the degradation of our collective self-respect. Okay, okay, I might watch the occasional episode of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," but who doesn't love that kind of philanthropy - particularly when it's other people doing the labor on behalf of a worthy family?

But in the mad rush to outdo each other, networks and cable outlets have sunk lower and lower. How long will it be until we take obese people to KFC and force them to eat 50 Double Downs? Last one standing wins a franchise. We can call it "Survivor: Coronary Edition." The ratings will be huge, I tell you, HUGE! The ideas get more and more insane, the premises more desperate and pleading. What could be a great talent show - American Idol - has become this grotesque schadenfreude fest where we only watch the beginning of each season to see other people humiliate themselves and the end of the season so we can choose sides like Sharks and Jets.

And speaking of schadenfreude what about shows like "Wipeout" and "The Bachelor"? They are purpose-built to derive pleasure from the pain of others. We sit on our couches and stuff our faces while watching other people jump through fire and suffer emotional damage for our own entertainment. Where's the dignity? And just who, exactly, is the "Biggest Loser"? The contestant that overcomes what must be a life-long struggle with their own body and mental issues, or those of us who watch with bated breath, ready to judge those with the courage to try (albeit in a strange way) to change their lives.

What kills me the most about so-called 'reality TV' is the complete and utter lack of reality. Not since "Freedom Fries" has a word been so conscripted, twisted and misused. You want reality TV? How about a 1/2-hour special of a dad trying to put the cover back on a car seat? Or a made-for-TV movie of a man and woman working their way through Turbo Tax? That's reality. Not being whisked off to a tropical island to 'survive' longer than others, not an all-expenses paid around-the-world 'race.' These things are not reality. They are diversion, sure, but they are also a clever way of getting out of paying actors and screenwriters. God help us when Simon Cowell starts giving away $5 million on his new show.

So if there's no reality in reality TV, where's a guy to turn? Well, there's always History and Discovery, NatGeo and ESPN, but for me the realest show on TV these days is also the most important.

There's more reality in "Modern Family" than most documentaries, so long as you define reality in terms of truth instead of fact. From Ed O'Neal's old-school dad to Julie Bowen's suburban mom complexities, the show is, top to bottom, a caricature of what it means to be married and have kids. Let's take a deeper look at the characters:

Cameron & Mitchell

If these two characters don't embody every bit of the struggle between self-assuredness and self-doubt, then I'm not sure what's missing. Cameron is, on the surface, the one who probably should have confidence issues. Big and lumbering, his career is a bit of a mystery but his resume does include time as a circus clown and wedding singer (paid in flowers). He's sensitive, but he's not a pushover. Cameron owns who he is, his proclivities and eccentricities. In many ways he's the kind of person I always wished I could be - he's free to live the way he wants.

Mitchell on the other hand suffers from the doubt and self-consciousness that plague so many of us, even if we don't admit it. He's handsome and successful, but kind of afraid of his own shadow. He worries. He carries old baggage with him and seems constantly stressed. Sounds like all too many people I know.

Jay, Gloria & Manny

If there is a stereotype for men - one that many of us desperately reject with our modern notions of masculinity - it is Jay. He is the pater familias, the Man. He is old school and bull-headed. He's tough and cocksure. I want to hate him. He's from the old generation - the one that wouldn't touch a diaper, the one that didn't know how to express love. But the more I watch, the more I realize there's something missing from the way I define manhood. It's not just husbandry and fatherhood. There are times when a man should be tough and assured. Gloria seems to like it and, furthermore, the amazing Manny has his own version. Manny is the GQ man. He's suave and intelligent. Jay is the Sports Illustrated guy. They meet in the middle thanks to Gloria.

Now, usually when a trophy wife appears in a movie or TV show, she is vapid. Just there to take up space and look pretty - a piece of the set. Not in this case. Gloria knows what she wants, but more importantly, she knows what she has. In a weird way, she seems to exemplify the perfect marital quality- she accepts who her husband is and tries not to change, but come to grips with him. We could all learn from her.

Claire & Phil

This is where this show gets real. There's more Dunphy to my marriage than I would care to admit. A wife who wants things to be perfect, a husband who tries, but always seems to come up just short. My wife and I watch this show together and, last week, she turned to me and told me she figured out what it is that she loves about it. "They say things that you and I only think," she said, and it didn't require any further explanation. I knew what she meant.

Phil is sentimental and goofy, he goes all out for the people he loves and is about as far from the varied perfection of his father-in-law and step-brother-in-law as can be. The Dunphys are every family. They want to do right by their kids, they want to participate. They love each other and get on each other's nerves. Try doing that with the "Bachelor." And while their marriage is to most as comic books are to crime-fighting, there is certainly a whole lot of truth there - kids who have different sorts of attributes - smart, not quite so smart and the oldest; complicated relationships with family, friends and neighbors. The Dunphys ought to get us to look at our own lives and smile, get us to take things a little less serious. For me, the show has probably helped my marriage because we - my wife and I - recognize our own flaws in these characters and our own strengths in the others. It's a matter of perspective.

So, reality TV will probably not go away. It's a force, conquering nations and taking names. But it's nice to know that in the sewers lives a force, like the French Resistance, of writers and actors take a stab at the realities of life the way we always have - by holding up a mirror and describing what we see.