A Man With a Mission - Bruce Feiler

June 15, 2010, By Catherine Couretas 0 comments

What would you tell your daughters if you found out you were dying? How about your wife? The rest of your family and friends?

That’s the difficult task New York Times bestselling author Bruce Feiler had to overcome in 2008 when he was diagnosed with cancer. At the time, Bruce’s twin daughters, Eden and Tybee were 3 years old. He talked with his wife, Linda, about what his family’s life would be like without him, trying to decide who would help take care of Eden and Tybee. He couldn’t bear the thought of his girls not having a father.

Bruce decided to gather six of his male friends, each from different parts of his life, to be there for his daughters after he passed. He would call this group of men the Council of Dads.

“It was like planning six different marriage proposals.”

Bruce and Linda began to decide on rules for the council to narrow it down. The first rule was that it had to be friends, no family. The girls would see their family already, and these men would be there in addition to the others. The second rule was that only men could be chosen, as Bruce wanted to fill the “dad space” in their lives. The third was that he wanted them to each represent different parts of his personality. Each man would have a specific lesson he would instill in the girls, whether it was to dream or to travel, to think or to live. He also decided to choose each man based on intimacy rather than longevity, as some of his newer friends were able to better capture the man he wanted to be.

To ask each man to be part of the council, Bruce wrote a letter and read it to each one in person. Though he was only well enough to travel to visit two of them, the other four came to him. After the emotional readings, all of the men said yes.

Bruce said the council has everything to do with friendship. It provides a bridge between his friends and family.

“I don’t feel alone as a parent.”

Though the council, which Bruce compared to a team of godparents, is no longer needed for its original purpose, he cannot believe he was a parent for three years without it. All six men were able to come together for the first time in April when Eden and Tybee turned 5 years old. Though the large gatherings will not happen often, Bruce said the men would be forever involved in his daughters’ lives.

“I feel like I have their wisdom as parents tucked into my back pocket,” Bruce said. “I don’t feel alone as a parent.”

Bruce said his daughters do not know the true reason the council was created, but he said the time to tell them will come.

“It’s all over the world now. It’s amazing.”

Bruce now encourages others to create their own councils. Though the guidelines for each council may vary, Bruce said the value lies in asking someone to play a specific role in your child’s life and the bond with your friends that deepens because of the council. To create your own council, visit Bruce’s website, and visit Amazon to purchase "Council of Dads."

Catherine Couretas is a freelancer at Barefoot Proximity and a regular contributor to ManoftheHouse.com.