What Should You Tell Your Kids About Your Past?

February 14, 2012, By Kurt Simonsen 2 comments

Kids love to ask questions, and many of them do so at the most inopportune times. You could be conversing at a family party with your more-than-pudgy, 63-year-old Aunt Eloise, and your first-grade son may walk up and whisper far too loudly, "Dad, is she pregnant?" No matter how you react, the question has floated about and done its damage. Yet the good news is that, in the large scheme of things, it meant nothing. You'll look back a year later and laugh.

But what happens when these normally inquisitive questions probe more deeply? What occurs when they begin asking about your own past? I think we all know that revealing too much detail about our past can backfire. However, running from it can be equally problematic. So, when kids ask—and they will, so don't think you can dodge it—be prepared. Spend time anticipating and thinking, considering what you may say when they begin to want to know what you were like.

Well, while there is no perfect way to answer any question, as no handbook exists for fathers facing impossible questions about their past lives, here are some guidelines to help. As you craft your answers, try these ideas to keep your responses in line.

Did they even ask that? Listen to the questions they ask, and don't answer something they haven't presented. Keep to the topic at hand and don't allow yourself to go off on tangents. For bizarre reasons, some folks seem to enjoy spilling their specifics to anyone...well, never do that with the kids. Stay on target.

Is it teachable? Kids ask so they can know, but you should respond so they understand. Use your past to give them lessons about how to progress in their futures. Not everything needs to be a moralistic diatribe, but have a purpose for revealing what you deem important. Silly little stories about daddy are always fun, but when there is an edge to what they seek, be patient and craft an answer that makes them think and get better in some way.

NEXT: Can they find out another way?