Where Are the Role Models For My Daughter?

October 04, 2011, By Josh Katzowitz 6 comments

Josh Katzowitz

My son doesn’t need to look for role models. They’re all around him. Some good, some bad, some indifferent to how the kids see them. But still, they’re there. They’re athletes and they’re good-looking movie stars and, hell, they’re plumbers and carpenters. Men who have worked hard to get to where they are, men who have put in the hours, men who have gone to school, men who have honed special skills.

Yet, I know how fleeting those heroes can be. I know they can stand in front of us and lie. I know they can make us feel like fools for ever believing in them. I know what it is to worship false prophets.

When I was growing up, as a baseball player from the time I was five years old until my senior year in high school, my hero was Oakland A’s first baseman Mark McGwire. He was a redhead like me, and he had these enormous forearms and he hit these tremendous home runs (49 in his 1987 rookie season). He was godlike, and I collected every baseball card, hung up every poster and cut out every newspaper article I could find.

But eventually, we found out much of his myth-making was based on lies from McGwire and from the baseball establishment that didn’t seem to mind. I can’t say I was crushed, because by then, I was a sports writer who already had grown cynical at some of the garbage that lies behind the curtains of athletics. But my eight-year-old self probably was devastated.

Probably the same as those who admire(d) Barry Bonds or Lyle Alzado or Ben Johnson or Marion Jones.

My son, Noah, whether by myth or by media hype, has plenty of people to emulate.

But what about my twin daughter, Stella? Who can she look up to when she’s feeling down? Who can make her feel comfortable about her self-image? Who can inspire her to be the best Stella that she can be?

Not movie stars, because often those actresses are soon headed to a) rehab, b) a mediocre country singing career or c) the unemployment line when the beauty fades.

And certainly not supermodels.

Not just because those models feed into the stereotype that in order to be desirable, you need to measure 36-24-36, own gloriously high cheekbones and have legs that ride up to your Adam’s apple, but also because it’s a vain lifestyle.

Comments (6):

Lloyd L. You are the only one limiting your daughter's role models. There are plenty of them available and they are all very accessible. My girls look up to Mia Hamm and admire her. Their current favorite is Jen Adams and several current NCAA lacrosse players. Dads - go outside your comfort zones and check out some of the women's sports - believe me, your daughters will find role models on their own if they are exposed to the opportunities. And you cannot go wrong with those girls playing college lacrosse. - 10/14/2011

Jeff P. Donna - Thanks for the sharing "Porcelain on Steel: Women of West Point's Long Gray Line". Sounds like a great read and one we'll certainly have to check out. - 10/12/2011

Donna M. One group of role models for your daughter and son can be found in "Porcelain on Steel: Women of West Point's Long Gray Line." For more than 200 years, West Point has produced soldiers and leaders who have served our nation in and out of uniform. Women have been part of the famous Long Gray Line of graduates for the last 30. As Army officers, athletes, wives, and mothers, as leaders in business, in non-profits and even the clergy, they've met challenges and overcome obstacles to lead others with strength and courage. Porcelain on Steel is an insider's tour of one of America's most storied institutions and what it takes to succeed in the high-pressure, high-performance, high-testosterone lab that produces leaders for the Army and for the nation. in an era where the American public is saturated with images of women selling sexuality and self-centered materialism, Porcelain on Steel spotlights 14 women who chose to make a positive contribution to society. Their qualities and strength of character would lead to success in any era, but their stories are especially relevant today. Rich, poor, athletic, studious, black, white, Hispanic, immigrant, native born, straight, and lesbian, they are a cross-section of American society. - 10/11/2011

Zach R. Awesome post, Josh. It does seem like boys have a non-stop stream of people to look up to - and for us fathers, we worry about who daughters will look up to. But you've said it perfectly - and think about it this way - if you were a mother, you'd worry about the opposite; it's only that you're removed from womanhood (by biology) that you can't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. Anyway, I think you nailed it. And dude, who didn't love the Bash Bros. back in the day?! Canseco and McGuire? The A's were an institution back then. Nowadays, I wasn't even sure if they were still there, or sent off to some other state to start a new franchise. Baseball's a whole different game these days. But that's a whole different topic. - 10/04/2011

Jeff P. Concretin N. - Thanks for the comment. I agree that you shouldn't just limit role models based on gender, but that is typically how role models are picked. I think Tina Fey's story is amazing, but I doubt either of my boys will emulate her and her story growing up. But I do agree with what you added. Thanks again. - 10/04/2011

Concretin N. Good read. I get it. It "appears" there are far more male role models than female. But that isn't the case. Female athletes don't get the coverage that men do (still don't understand that), but they do exist. But I think you listing male movie stars as good RMs for your son, but saying the females are destined for rehab is just ridiculous. (Remember Charlie Sheen? Dude. Actor. But def. not a role model.) Actors are people too. There are plenty of talented male and female actors/entertainers who live without off screen drama. You just might have to try a lil' harder to spot them, because TMZ doesn't cover them. Gender specific role models: Why does it matter? Why can't it just be a good PERSON. Tina Fey seems like a perfectly legit role model for ANYBODY, not just girls. The guy who built that fruity computer in his garage? Yea, that's impressive, and wouldn't you be stoked if your daughter thought, "I'm gonna do that, because I can." Now I'm not saying female role models aren't important! Just don't limit your daughter's rm choices by gender. Your searching for the right qualities, but just remember, it's ok for her to look up to a dude. (And it's really ok for your son to look up to a chick.) Show them WHY they should look up to someone. Disclaimer: I don't have a daughter. So if/when I do, I might suddenly feel I've been talking outta my arse. :) - 10/04/2011