How to Discipline Children for Dirty Words

October 28, 2010, By David Wright 4 comments

I come from a long line of swearing dads. This is an honor I cling to with some pride, because while some people say swearing is a sign of ignorance, I say it takes intelligence (and a fair bit of talent) to swear with flair. 



However, in my house, my talent is muffled by the fact that I have a three-year-old boy. A boy, who my wife is determined, does not follow in daddy’s foul-mouthed footsteps.



My wife began nagging me on my propensity for profanity around the time our son began to understand words. I argued that she was overreacting, until one day, when my son was two, he dropped the F Bomb. So, I was forced to say goodbye to the F Word. 



Unfortunately, my moratorium on swearing was too late. My son has a great memory, and never forgot the F Word. A fact he was all to happy to share one Sunday morning to a room full of people ... in church.



Guess who slept on the couch that night!



My wife was scared, her little boy, who was always so well-behaved, was about to release his own rap album.

So, as is the case with most discipline issues, we had to step in and nip the problem in the bud.

So what do you do when your young one lets loose with salty language? Here are some tips that have worked for us. 



1. Don’t overreact. Children love to push their parents’ buttons. If you freak out when your little one drops the 'F Bomb', there’s a good chance your child will stow that little weapon away for future use when they want to get your attention.



2. Correct your child. Tell your child that he used a “naughty word” (or whatever you choose to call swear words) and those words aren’t allowed. Keep your voice calm and your emotions in check. Be firm, but have that “I mean business” tone to convey the seriousness of the situation.



3. Own up to your hypocrisy. If your child calls you out by pointing out your use of foul language, then you can do one of two things. You can explain that some words are “adult words” and that there is a different standard for adults and children, which could be a bitter pill for younger kids to swallow. Or you try and set a good example and admit that your child is right and that you’ll try not to say those words anymore.



4. Let the punishment fit the crime. If your child slips again, don’t come down on him with the wrath of God. Give him a chance to apologize. If we sometimes slip, what hope does a child (who has the restraint of a golden retriever in a park full of squirrels) have? If your child refuses to say sorry, or worse, curses again, then discipline him in a way which is consistent with your usual techniques. In our house, we subscribe to the Super Nanny method of time outs - a minute for each year of age, followed by a calm discussion of what he did wrong, giving him a chance to apologize and you a chance to forgive and to reassure him that you still love him. Sometimes, our son might be feeling extra rebellious or goofy and push back a bit. If your child does this, stay consistent and stick with the time-outs. Add extra time, be calm and stay the course - trust me, it will work.



What Not to Do:


1. Soap in the mouth. Lots of old school parents swear by this technique, saying their own parents had used soap in their mouths. To which I say, so did mine. Look how well that turned out. This method is a bit too Mommy Dearest for my tastes.


Kids Will Be Kids … Who Swear

Whether they hear you swear, or they pick it up in school, chances are good your children will experiment with foul language. Keep your cool and do your best to set a good example. And remember - it’s only words. In a worst case scenario, your child will grow up to be a daddy blogger.