Bullying and Your Daughter

February 02, 2011, By Kasie Baltes 4 comments

Kasie Baltes

What makes a word so powerful? Is it the foundation of alphabet letters it is built from? Is it the syllables that allow words to be spoken? Or is it the mind behind a word that breathes meaning to these lifeless letters? Whatever it is, words give me meaning - as a journalist, as a daughter, as a citizen.

I began a love/hate relationship with words at a young age. I learned the true power of words, not in English class, but on recess breaks, at lunch tables and through games of ‘telephone’. It was then that I was broken down and fell victim to brutal and ill-faced words. Some call it bullying, but to me it was something much more than that. It was a life-changing experience that altered my confidence, my spirit and a fraction of my childhood memories. Bullying exists, and amongst girls it’s not the physical actions that hurt us so deeply, it’s the name-calling and the cracks at our self-esteem that leave the scars.

It was something neither my parents nor I were prepared for. There were days when I dreaded going to school. I didn’t want to face those girls and the rumors they started about me. I was defenseless and had no clue how to combat those words. I was ridiculed and taunted for nearly everything I did.

This bullying went on for weeks, not from a bigger, older kid from school but from girls disguised as friends. This was an experience filled with a lot of tears paired with substantial learning and growing. In my case, my parents had to step in; it was physically and emotionally something I couldn’t handle on my own. They had to pick up the pieces of my confidence and together we overcame my bullies.

So from someone who has been through it – here are a few tips for all you parents on how to alleviate some of this unnecessary pain for your daughter.

Take Preventative Measures

You’d be naïve to think that bullying won’t affect your child. Young or old, boy or girl - it happens to the best of us. In the United States, it is estimated that nearly 30 percent of children, grades six through 10 have bullied other children or have been the target of bullying.

Whether your child is on the path to being a bully or being bullied, you need to listen to your children. Pay attention to what they say about the other kids at school. Keep an eye on how your child communicates with other children. If you are sensing that your child is being picked on or excluded from group activities, start a conversation with your child. Opening up a conversation will allow your child to feel more comfortable to come to you with problems, especially if they are looking for guidance. My parents made a point to tell me stories of how they too were bullied as a child. They made sure I knew it wasn’t acceptable, but that I wasn’t alone in this fight either.

NEXT: Boost Child’s Self-Confidence

Comments (4):

Bareheaded W. dear D.K., may you never be in need a mercy and may you never need receive the type of "mercy" you recommend be dispensed. A kid challenges your child's development, then having a full adult phalanx attack the other child (who will retaliate as soon as the adults are involved with arguing with each other) is going to make everything so much better! While I believe in fast and decisive action, I prefer the coals of kindness mentioned by James which damages neither child for life. Your actions will beget more of the same and will target your child not only amongst the bullies her own age, but those from among the adult and authority figures as well. - 06/12/2011

D. K. Your article provided not one single real-world suggestion about how to handle a bully - so much for your 'power of words'! For instance - in the "Protect" section of your article - you advise us "...if your child is physically overpowered, you will want to express concern to your child's ...authority figure." Are you serious? Your kid comes home to you bleeding and frightened, and all you can do for him is to "express concern" to an "authority figure"? Hey - watch this, Kasie! This is the 'power of action'! If my kid is "physically overpowered" by some punk at school, the first thing I do is a background check of the parents - where they work, do they own their house, their outstanding loans, their income, etc. If i'm really angry, I'll even hire a private detective for a coupla days and really get some dirt on them, because if they don't get their kid to back off my kid, I'm going to ruin them! Next, my lawyer is going to be on that school, his teacher, the other kid's father, mother, grandfather and his father's boss - all within a single day! I'm not wasting time talking to the parents, instead, my lawyer will talk to them - I will sue their sox off! I'm going after the parent's house, his dad's job, their savings, their cars. I'll be calling their Rabbi or Pastor about their kid. When they realize that their out-of-control bully kid is about to cost them $50,000 cash in the local Courts, they will figure out a way to cool their punk down. Ditto the school, teacher, that "authority figure" - and all those who failed to protect my kid from the bully! Next, I will track that bully for the next five years of his life - right through high school graduation, and I will write letters to the appropriate people so as to make sure that he does not get a job after school, that he won't be able to buy a car from the local bank, or get into the college of his choice because of his track record, mental condition, or other reason. I will make sure that he has great difficulty getting any kind of job after school, etc. I will inform the police if he jaywalks or smokes a cigarette indoors. No mercy! That's how you protect your kid, young lady - you fight for him! All a bully understands is power. A beaten, frightened bully is no bully any more. Bullying is all about force - when you take his force away, he is no longer a problem. You, Kasie, are the prime example why women make lousy cops - because you are nothing but talk, talk, talk, talk - when - instead - you need to act! - 04/02/2011

Jeannie S. Kasie - Thank you for this great article. It's such an important topic and parents need tips for dealing with tough situations like this. I applaud you for sharing your personal struggles and appreciate your point of view as someone who's "been there." - 02/07/2011

James H. Kasie - this is a really important story. As a dad of a daughter (who is now 18) I vividly remember the toughest times were when she was around 12 or 13. This world of girls who had long been her friends- suddenly became an unbelievable mean pack of girls who-with words- would try to tear my daughter (and other targets) down every day. It took place at the bus stop. The playground. The lunchroom. The bathroom. It came in the form of smirks, laughs, words....it was painful to watch. Fortunately, my daughter has always been a kid who has had multiple circles of friends. So, we put more focus on the "other" circles. As the dad, I stepped up my efforts to encourage things with these other kids....sleepovers, shopping, that kind of stuff. It helped (and truthfully, I think I hoped it might send a message to the "mean girls" that my daughter was far stronger than their meanness.). Funny thing is....with time, maturity, etc. all of the girls who were on the mean side, did mature and grow into the kind, considerate people I knew them to be as little girls. They are all in college now.....and my daughter still considers all of them good friends. Crazy. But parents of girls: I swear....middle school/jr. high years can be really ugly. Thanks Kasie. Great piece. - 02/02/2011