Beating the Back-to-School Blues
August 10, 2011, By Jack Heffron 0 comments
Right now I’m struggling with the back-to-school blues. Happens every year. With my kids, sure, but also with me. In mid-August that feeling of depression hits—summer is over, time for life to become regimented again, with homework and tests and science projects and packed lunches and so on. Bleh. It’s pretty much the worst time of year in kid-dom, and I feel their pain.
The back-to-school blues are very common, says Brenna Hicks, a therapist who runs thekidcounselor.com and specializes in play therapy. “I think kids grieve the loss of their freedom,” she says. “Summer affords them later bedtimes and vacations. These feelings are associated with August coming around.”
Most kids, in fact, aren’t eager to return to school, but even if they’re feeling stress and anxiety about the transition they probably won't tell you, which makes it tough to help them with their feelings. There are signals, however, that can tip you off, says Hicks.
“Until the age of 12, children struggle with abstract reasoning and verbalization of emotions,” she says. “They don’t know how to express what’s going on. Instead, you notice they’re getting cranky or argumentative. They might complain of stomachaches or headaches. All of these indicators can signal anxiety. The emotions are presented physically.”
Asking questions, therefore, won’t do much good because in many cases the children aren’t sure what they’re feeling or why they’re feeling that way. Hicks recommends that you phrase your concern as a statement, such as “I wonder if you’re worried about something.” She adds: “This statement gives the child an opportunity to understand what they’re feeling. It helps them express themselves better.”
Older kids, she says, know how to express emotions but hesitate to express fear or sadness because they try to avoid showing vulnerability. Instead, they’ll show anger, which makes them feel more powerful and in control. And teens often lack the self-awareness to know exactly what they’re feeling. Rather than react to the anger, says Hicks, the parent should mirror the teen’s behavior—instead of asking “Why are you acting so angry,” phrase your response as a statement, such as “It must be hard to be thinking about going back to school.” The child then feels understood while the parent remains in control rather than in a reactive position.
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