How Do You Handle Frustration?
January 25, 2012, By Wayne M. Levine 0 comments
Man, was I pissed! And I had every right to be. I had relied on someone to handle a task for me. I'm their client. They're supposed to handle it. It's their job!
But they didn't. And I was upset, realizing I had wasted half a day—trying to fix the problem—only to conclude that there was ultimately nothing I could do to solve it. The opportunity was lost. Gone. Couldn't get it back. I had to surrender and accept it.
I've been doing men's work for about 20 years. I counsel and I've been counseled. I've participated in men's retreats, and I've run them. I help men every day, and I continue to ask for help to be the best man I can be.
Yet despite all the work I've done to be a better me, occasionally, still, something can happen, someone can screw up, some set of circumstances can throw me off track, make a mess of my day, obliterate my good attitude, ruin my evening, or otherwise make me feel or behave like the man I once was. And depending on the situation and my state-of-mind, the impact can make me angry, sad, self-pitying, discouraged, numb, disconnected and absolutely no fun to be with...or to be.
And I bet you know exactly what I'm talking about.
It's part of the human experience. Overcoming these external influences to remain that centered, loving and compassionate individual you've worked so hard to become is what this work of self-improvement and transformation is all about. No one can make us feel any way we don't choose to feel ourselves, so the ancient wisdom tells us. And I agree. Yet in those moments, many of us would tend to disagree, vehemently.
Though I'd rather not have to remind you of what those awful consequences look like, I'd be remiss if I didn't pay a little attention to the damage we can cause when we're not the captains on our own ships.
As men, when we overreact we act out in numerous and damaging ways. We yell, berate, break stuff, whine and complain, ruin vacations, undermine trust, chip away at relationships, scare children, lose friends, destroy business relationships and ultimately feel pretty crappy about who we are. Oftentimes this leads to shame, doubt, fear and depression.
To avoid these awful potentialities, we need a few tools to help us make our way through the frustration and anger, so that we can get out of the problem and into the solution.
As I mentioned, there was no immediate solution to the problem caused by my vendor, at least not that occurred to me. But the more important problem facing me was the way I felt as I responded to my sense of being wronged and my inability to fix it NOW! My blood pressure was rising, my breathe became shallow, my world view was shrinking, fast.
This feeling is what needed my immediate attention. So, I went about doing what I've learned to do when things don't go my way.
Because we're in the holiday season, a time when people are unusually stressed, rushed and emotional, and the potential for unpleasant interactions abound, let's see what we can do to calm ourselves when these "special moments" find us.
