Telling the Family You Lost Your Job

December 01, 2011, By James Pilcher 1 comment

I'll never forget it as long as I live.

I had just been laid off from a job I thought I was doing pretty well. And it happened in the middle of the day, meaning I had to drive home and face my wife and family.

I walked in the door—and the first words out of my seven-year-old's mouth were: "So you don't work at Acme, Inc. anymore?" (The names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent). The kids had always taken pride in the fact that I worked at a well-known local firm.

Talk about a low blow—especially at a time when I was as angry, hurt, scared and vulnerable as I ever have been.

But I just said, "No I don't, and hopefully I will work somewhere better soon."

My parents did an even better job when my dad lost his job (which happened once or twice).They did tell me, but made a HUGE effort to make sure everything was operating as close to normal as possible.

With the unemployment rate hovering at or above 9 percent, and the stagnant economy barely creating more jobs than it eliminates, a lot more fathers and mothers are going to have these difficult conversations with their kids.

Here are some tips to handle one of the toughest conversations you may ever have in your life:

To Tell or Not to Tell

The biggest question is whether to tell your kids. According to experts, the answer depends on how old—and how perceptive— they are. If they are old enough to notice that Daddy is home a lot more, wearing jeans, bathrobe and slippers and not shaving nearly as much, then yeah, you should probably explain a little of what's going on.

Laura Bertman Longang said in a recent CBS Morning News interview that no matter what, don't lie about it. Don't say you're on vacation or working from home.

"You can't lie," she advised. "That's the golden rule. Do not lie. But you have to find ways to make it palatable." 

How much you tell may be dependent on the age, Longang said. Keep it simple if they are under five. For a teen, who is as involved in the family finances as anyone, you might want to explain in more detail what it could mean to their lives.

Teens will have "an opinion. And they're going to think it's not fair. You want to discuss right and wrong," Longang said in the interview. But get them involved in some of the decision making—and make it a life lesson about right and wrong and about what being thrifty really means, she said.

NEXT: Remember What Is Important