5 Things Dads Should Never Say to Kids

October 25, 2011, By Staff Writer 5 comments

Only idiots don’t know that a dad shouldn’t call his kid an idiot. But sometimes we say things that, on the surface at least, may seem rather harmless, but to the ear of a child can pack quite a wallop. We could all stand to benefit by taking a moment and reminding ourselves that words matter, and that it’s not just what we say, but how we say it. To help, here are five common things dads say that could easily be misinterpreted by young ears.

1. “I didn’t have this issue when I was your age.” Well, maybe you didn’t. Or maybe you did and have forgotten. But odds are you did have some issues. We all did. A statement like this suggests that you were a better kid than your son or daughter is. That hurts. Besides, your parents may disagree on that point. The truth might, too.
2. “I knew from the get-go that this wasn’t going to turn out well, but I thought I’d let you try anyway.” After we give approval of something, we can’t then suggest, in so many words, that we didn’t really want or mean to. It’s just not fair. This sort of statement also suggests that we dads are omniscient. And even a five-year-old knows that’s not true.
3. “I just wanted to be proud of you.” Fair enough. Sort of. Because the unfortunate thing about statements such as this is that they imply that we aren’t proud of our kid right now. We dads sometimes use this line to explain why we pushed our kid a bit too hard into trying something that they didn’t want to do. Maybe in cases like this we should begin by saying, “I’m sorry.”
4. “I know your heart is broken, but you’ll feel better tomorrow.” Well, actually, he or she probably won’t. As adults, we sometimes forget that kids, even teens, have a different perception of time. That can make it very hard to see over today’s horizon⎯and today’s heartache⎯into tomorrow, let alone next month or next year. We should aim to be in the moment, even the painful ones, with them.
5. “You kids today don’t understand how easy you've got it.” Well, they probably don’t, no more than we understand how difficult it must have been growing up in the 1800s without indoor plumbing and television. But it’s not our kids’ fault that they were born into a world with certain conveniences and opportunities that weren’t present in our youth, or that our families couldn’t afford.