Get Personal: Don't Send Angry Emails
August 26, 2011, By Steve Kissing 0 comments
Here’s a simple approach to talking about relationship issues that my wife, Angie, and I have found especially helpful. It used to be that whenever one of us had a beef with the other, we would often send an email describing our grievance (real or otherwise). However, on more occasions than not, that initial email was tinged, if not fully loaded, with anger (justified or not). And because it was written with a lot of emotion, it wasn’t always coherent. Plus, there’s the classic problem with email: emotional context can be difficult to decipher. A statement can feel sarcastic, even though that may not have been the writer’s intent. This sort of misreading is, of course, all the more likely when both sender and receiver are in an agitated or defensive state.
So Angie and I have agreed that when we have a complaint to register with each other, we will first talk about it, ideally after we’ve calmed down and reflected a bit on the matter at hand. By talking first, there’s little to no risk of misreading the message since both people are present to hear the other’s tone, read the other’s body language and ask follow-up questions.
After that initial talk, Angie and I then consider it OK, even preferred in some cases, to share follow-up thoughts via email. Sometimes that’s an elaboration on one’s point of view. Other times it’s an apology. In my case, it’s usually an apology.
