Dr. Helen Fisher: Conflict Resolution Strategies
February 14, 2011, By Dr. Helen Fisher 0 comments
Helen Fisher, PhD Biological Anthropologist, has conducted extensive research and written five books on the evolution and future of human sex, love, marriage, gender differences in the brain and how your personality type shapes who you are and who you love.
Transcript: The next question comes from a man who says, I have a hard time opening up about things that bother me in my relationship. I feel like my wife is very open about the things I do that bug her, but I don't seem to know how to have the same kind of openness – and also how to be heard. How can I begin talking about the things she does that bother me without sounding like I'm whining or making her feel defensive? Data shows that in a good relationship partners say five complimentary things to their partner for every one critical thing that they say. So keeping this five to one ratio in mind, I think what I would do is go to your partner and tell her you would really like to have weekly, half-hour discussions with her about the relationship. And because … and phrase it, if you are saying, I want to hear what your concerns are, what your needs are and I also want to tell you my concerns. Then this gives her the time of course to think about what she is going to say to brace herself for what you might say and enable her to get out those concerns. Then, when the time comes, remembering that five to one ratio, start out by telling her five things that you really do like about the relationship and then express the one thing that does really bother you. And you might want to express that one thing that really bothers you, try to give a couple of suggestions on how together you can fix it. And save your next concern for your next meeting, the next week. One step at a time.
