10 Things You Should Never, Ever Say

April 19, 2010, By 218 comments

4. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”Well, maybe you need to read more, because whenever you feel you’ve heard the worst of ideas, just sample a few pages of the Darwin Awards. Don’t dismiss ideas outright. Instead, express what about the idea you don’t like. Even better, start by saying what you do like about the idea. Remember, someone once called the internal combustion engine a waste of gray matter.

5. “The other guys’ wives are cool with it.”Even if true, such statements really shouldn’t matter. Think about it this way: If your kid wanted to do something that you didn’t want him to, would the fact that another parent told his kid it was OK change your mind? We didn’t think so. What other wives or girlfriends are doing or saying should be of no concern. Make decisions for yourselves and leave others out of it. Or risk your wife telling you all about the “super-duper romantic” dinner some other husband put together for some other wife.

6. “After everything that I’ve done for you?!”This is playing the guilt card, which may work now and then, but at a steep cost. It suggests that, at the end of the day, your relationship is one based on points reflecting who’s done what for whom. And you might want to reflect long and hard before you suggest that such a score be tallied.

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Comments (218):

Bruce J. Ever wonder where the word came from, it is an acronym just put together the first letters of the following four words.... Can't Understand Normal Thinking.... - 10/10/2011
Lee L. YOU MAKE A VERY GOOD FEMINIST. UNFORTUNATELY, IN THE REAL WORLD IT IS A MAN'S LOGIC RATHER THAN A WOMAN'S SELF-CENTEREDNESS THAT KEEPS THE EARTH TURNING. - 10/07/2011
Bill M. This article fails to mention the #1 best arguing technique of all time. Just agree with whatever she says like this: "I can see where you are coming from on that", "You make a good point - I've never thought about it that way", "how do you feel we should handle this?". What this does is short circuit her brain. While you are not agreeing specifically to do what she proposes, you are seeing the wisdom in their position. Since they were emotionally prepared for a fight, they will naturally take the opposite viewpoint of what you say. Since you have basically agreed that their point is valid, they will begin to argue against themselves, actually arguing in favor of your original position! - 09/28/2011
Denny T. When she starts to argue, make out with her. I make love to my girl everyday and we never argue. That's is what keeps us together. SEX:) is the answer. - 09/25/2011
John G. G mon guys Im 71 years old and I cant predict womens emotions either. There are 59 "Self Generated" proven emotions and its truly a roll of the dice as to which one she will chose at any second. Its always the man's fault no matter what happens. Granddad - 09/11/2011
Ernie J. I urge all males to read the wonderful series of books by Dr Deborah Tannen, especially "You Just Don't Understand," and "That's Not What I Said." Men and women have vastly different communication styles, which is what her books are about. After my divorce long years ago I read those two, and it really made me see how some things I said during the marriage, usually innocently, were taken the wrong way. The reverse is true as well, guys, Dr Tannen isn't a man-hater or a husband basher. My present marriage is a delight, and has been for a long time. I attribute that primarily to Dr Tannen's books. My wife and I have occasional disagreements, but have never raise our voices to each other, and never go to sleep without an issue being resolved. Once it's resolved, it's over and done with, never to be mentioned again. One other hint: never forget the most important words in a marriage-- please, may I?, and thank you. If you start taking each other for granted, that's when the troubles start. - 09/05/2011
Kathleen C. All good advice! May I ask that you add "wife beaters" ( horrible name but it descriptive)) or "muscle shirts" to the mix? Unless you are 25 years old or look like Eddie Cibrian at any age they are to be worn UNDER your dress shirt, if at all. Thanks - 09/04/2011
Max P. The 1st one I can agree with. The 2nd one needs to be explained better. #3 I do not agree with at all. People who say things that someone else has said and try to pass them off as their own are insecure who CANNOT THINK for themselves! And there is nothing wrong with pointing that out. Theres nothing more irriating than having to deal with someone who is constantly repeating what other people say. Its like, "don't you have a brain? Use your own words instead of someone else's. Maybe if you learned to think for yourself, I would respect you more and see things your way (even if i didnt agree with them)." - 09/04/2011
Bill B. I am 66 years old, married 3 times. My present wife of 30 years and I have found one thing that lets us live with love. We agreed not to try and "change" one another. Thus, I have not found it necessary to use any of those things. I don't understand why a couple decide that they have found "THE ONE" marry them, and IMMEDIATELY start to try and change them. What is up with that? - 08/29/2011
Joe P. You can't say these things? How about this, if you can't say these things or you have to say these things more than twice a year then you have already lost the relationship and you should leave her. - 08/28/2011
Drew T. When references are made to logic, your mother, always and never, you're part of a bad conversation. Who takes a partner to have a live-in critic? If you really feel that way, end it. That applies to the critic who feels he/she's hooked up with stupid or the one being called stupid. Where is that going; down the path of happiness? - 08/16/2011
Ted S. Thoughtfulness, kindness, consideration, David. I would love to see how you might react if your "right" woman chose to be so cavalier with her words. Your "pair" won't save you then, - 08/16/2011
Catherine C. Oh for cryin' out loud, David K. Surely you would agree that care in choosing one's words is a core value of maturity. If you sling your words like arrows, you're going to kill something--such as a relationship. - 08/14/2011
Catherine C. Jeff M., I didn't perceive this article as a "lecture" but as a helpful discussion-starter of the useless things men (people) say when having a debate or argument. - 08/14/2011
David K. This author needs to grow a pair and a spine to go with them. if you are in a relationship and you have to worry about what you say or walk on egg shells all the time you need to go find the right woman. - 08/14/2011
Jeff M. Maybe one day guys like this author will stop lecturing men on what they should be doing different just for the chance that a woman will give her approval. - 08/08/2011
Chuck D. It has been my experience that no matter what you try to tell someone, they will say these things ANYWAY. These are things that have to be said and addressed so that they will not be a problem in the future. I think it is more like if you say these things and it causes big fights and problems, then you should start looking at the herd and cut a new one from the group, cuz the one you got is not the right one. - 08/07/2011
Stu O. Once they turn that corner don't spend any time or effort in getting them back, it wont work, it's just a waste of time. Get on with your life, it's short. - 08/06/2011

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