How to Speak Woman

May 29, 2010, By 37 comments

How to Speak Woman

The missus said everything was fine. But that slammed door is telling you "fine" might actually mean something closer to "terrible." Short of calling the United Nations for an interpreter, what’s a guy to do?

Research suggests that women use body language up to six times more than men. But it doesn’t take Sherlock to deduct that men are a little behind the curve in deciphering it. With a quick tutorial on "woman speak" plus a little body language knowledge, you could begin improving communication with your wife or girlfriend. Try these tips:

The Red Lights

Nothing’s really been resolved if you hear these words:

It’s fine. No. It’s not fine. It’s not fine at all. And usually when she says this, her body will not be facing you directly. Whether it’s her gaze, her shoulders, her hips or all of the above, she’s letting you know that the conversation isn’t over. And take note if she says this while taking out the garbage, painting the dining room, or changing a dirty diaper. She asked for some help with the task at hand, and you kind of didn’t step up.

Nothing. Perhaps you heard this word after you asked, "What’s wrong?" or "What is it?" Batten down the hatches; she’s not ready to talk yet. If her arms are crossed at the chest, the conversation should be stopped immediately. A long arm cross, however — like one with her wrists crossed near her waist — could be a sign that she could be ready to talk it out.

Whatever. Oh man. Whatever you said or did, she didn’t like it. Are you sitting down at dinner? Maybe in a car? Look for her body to be moved as far back away from you as possible. Her torso could be shifted, her feet may be tucked under the chair, or she might be sighing really loudly. Give her some space. She’s mulling it over.

What I want is… As a broad, general rule, women disguise direct wants and needs with words like "I would like" or "I’m thinking of doing." So when you hear this clear, cut, concise language — kind of like the way you would talk — she’s telling you how to fix the problem. If she ends her explanation with a question, she would like for the conversation to continue, ideally with your point of view.

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Comments (37):

Arr D. All of this is horseshit. All you have to do is ignore a woman and she will kill herself to get you to notice her. Act like you don't really even like her and she will do almost anything to find out why and change your mind. All this "women are hard to figure out" is pure garbage. They want money, clothes, a car , a house and a man (usually) and for other women to envy them because they have ones nicer than anyone else they know. Gimme a break. - 07/31/2011
Myndee B. Sky J: It sounds like you got burned by some girl really bad. I find it disturbing the number of men, like you, who find women to be completely unaware that they are evil. My ex husband ran off with a 21 year old little girl. He didn't have the decency to end our relationship before starting up with someone else. I guess I could take your attitude and embrace a "thank you men for being a bunch of cheating losers" and blame all men. Instead, I blame him. I am happily, without any bitterness toward men, in a relationship with someone new. I trust my new man is not an asshole. His ex wife cheated on him, so I believe we are on the same page that you end your current relationship before moving on. I hope you let go of your bitterness toward women, and blame the bitch who hurt you, not all of us. - 06/16/2011
Sky J. Just read thru this article and all of the postings. I disagree with ALL of the women who've posted here. Robert C, the Psychiatrist said it best: Women have no clue of what they want - especially women who have major assets such as a rocking body, beautiful features and are sexy. For starters, attractive women get things in life much easier than unattractive women and even men. While men may earn more in the workforce, attractive women generally get more through less effort. So - women learn at an early age to get what they want by using their assets to influence others into helping them get what they want. The reality of it all is that women NEVER truly know what they want in life. Some women marry a wonderful guy, have wonderful kids and live wonderful lives but then secretly long for a career, or another man, or a life without kids and then they "influence" others to eventually get what they want. It's no surprise that men have always cheated because they need, crave want sex but women? They cheat for totally different reasons. A womens "mid-life crisis" is much worse than a man's. Today's generation of women over the age of say 38, raised by self-absorbed catholic/christian feminist women of the 60's/70's and born with a suburban silver spoon in their mouth - don't want us guys - they want it all, above the needs of their family, children and their spouses. Their motto is "Have an affair today, a divorce tomorrow and say you're sorry to god on Sunday" Just look on match, eharmony and all of the other dating sites: All of these kinds of women "just want to start over". They want to start over because they've screwed over their past spouses with their manipulative games. This is the # reason why the divorce rate is atronomical, the #1 reason why our economy is in the toilet (how many divorces end in financial ruin?) and the #1 reason why American families are in complete disarray. Thank you American women, for screwing everything up! - 06/15/2011
Francis P. This article is an excellent demonstration of why an increasing number of men are avoiding women altogether -- and why the overwhelming majority of women deserve exactly that. We neither read minds nor expect that others can do so, and we're bloody tired of being expected to do so ourselves. - 06/10/2011
J C. Wow-did you all forget the Golden Rule? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you? We are such a selfish race of beings; it's incredible! Men: Say, "(Name)", (not honey or other term of endearment), "I do not understand what you are doing/saying/feeling right now? Would you please enlighten me?" Women: Tell them what the heck is going on! Don't sugar-coat it, downplay it, OR exaggerate it. Just tell the truth! Problem solved; thank you very much. We all need to grow up and speak adult. - 06/07/2011
Tracy S. sounds like you are manipulated by women and not interested in an honest exchange of information,which is admittedly painful at times,but better in the long run . some of us just dont have time for the silly games some women play. they will respect you more if you arent constantly trying to manipulate them with this bogus bs. that or get away when you wont play that high school bs. works to your favor either way - 06/01/2011
Ha H. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever ask "What's wrong?" Feck that. Y'know, women don't like wusses (for the most part). And, it's rarely ever a good idea to generalize women in general. They're individuals. They've just as diverse personalities as men do. One size does not fit all. - 05/31/2011
Anonymous A. Deduct? You mean Sherlock Holmes subtracts things for a living? How interesting! - 05/29/2011
Veronica A. I was not expecting this article to be too true, but good job. - 05/16/2011
Jeffey J T. RIGHT On my brother! WIth a twin sister, a mother, more aunts than uncles, numerous girlfriends, two ex-wives, two daughters, two mother-in-laws and numerous sister-in-laws, all of whom IO still get along with, I can truly say that "Woman Speak" is an acquired art . . . and I might add one more thought for the male response to a "sticky" question or "fishing comment" from the woman: never be too quick to respond. The better answer would be: "I hear you and I want to really give more thought to your question because I know it's important to you and it's equally important to me. Allow me to really think about it and give you a response at that time." Good luck fella's! - 05/10/2011
Tiff B. I disagree slightly with the "do I look fat in this?". If a woman has already bought it, then for God's sake she does not look fat and she's hoping to knock your eyes out. She's really hoping you love whatever it is. If you want to score some points, tell her she looks thinner, sexy, amazing...you know. If she's dragged you out shopping, it's because she wants to get something you think will be attractive or her girlfriends are busy. Don't say she looks fat, blame it one the clothes. You still don't say "yes, you look fat" of course, but you could say "I like the other jeans more" so she doesn't lose patience with you. Chances are she's tried on something else that you liked, tell her that. You'll get out of the store faster if you give her out with a one or two opinions. - 05/02/2011
Sherry C. In a relationship is alway the girl thats crazy about you that bugs you, you would think she's lame or a bit crazy.That is the one you want to marry, Men think that something else will come along the fact is, when you have a women worship you, thats the women that will back you be faithful to you and care for you when your old. You pass them up when your little you make fun of them and rec them before they know it there scorned and hard, nonbelieving. You little boys are so mean and I am not one that had truble with boys overly attractive and overly witty when it came to social interaction. My burden is men put a fake image on and you see threw it and still like them for who they are then they hate you for not being who they wish they were and blame you. what am I saying there seems to be a parenting problem Mothers from the 70's say Dont be like you dad, treat girls nice and respectful and to their daughters its, now dont trust them, they cant be trusted! So you figure it out why are we having so many problems trust and Goverment interaction segrigation means control and there is no more familys names to fear they play with your emotions get you cought up in the system, and that means money and jobs! My problem is I have been the women that gets cought up with the men that pull out the the you blank did blank use it against me and I am like thats on you for harbaring of isues will give you no srangth in a founation of happyness. I think women to day are being hurt by men for the get back of the women of the 70's getting the houses the pentions and the children. Men are takeing our children and running around like they are the know it all's. The structure is mind blowing. I love this women, "women", they say, "I want to get a job so I can find myself!" , the man beccomes upset becouse he is trying to have a team a family, He's like find yourself I thought I knew you, and you dont even know yourself!?. And men watch there women working for some company corp, putting in the hours so this other man can go on vacations drive the new bling!, Wow that sucks, You think that withtwo people that love eachother they would want to build a word together, yet the 8 hours of the day is spent being slaves to production that imbelishes someone else and their dreams. Real smart people! Were are the Men that demand you to be a women and appretiate women for whom they are, the ones that stay home involve themself in the comunity and neiborhoods were you live, this my friend is a womens job. people suck and the Social Control by the Goverment is a Curtain of distruction. Good luck playing Mom, hopefully the goverment gets a hand on that to and decides socity is so stupied were going to DNA Purifiy and testube for perfection and neather sex will dominate the tub child will be and no sexual organs will be in existance then everyone would have to be stimulated in there head to seek pleasure, they call us T more Y and X no more Adame blaming Eve! O by the way IT APPEARES THE APPLE IS STILL STUCK IN YOUR THROAT! Got ya back!! Men - 04/26/2011

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