Improve Your Marriage in 39 Minutes a Day

November 19, 2011, By Craig J. Heimbuch 3 comments

Craig J. Heimbuch

Between work and three kids, my wife's involvement in her mom's group and my duties as Cub Scout den leader and author, it's becoming shocking how little time I actually spend with my wife. It seems we are constantly crossing paths without ever stopping to chat. As a result, it can sometimes feel like we're disconnected, as if we're living two distinct lives.

To that end, I recently decided that I needed to make my marriage a priority and that meant finding time every day to be with my wife, to talk, to coordinate and to catch up. I was surprised how much you can get done in a very short amount of time and the difference being on the same page made to our overall happiness. Here's my plan.

Snooze Alarm (9 minutes)

I'm usually up earlier than my wife. Part of it is my tendency to be an early riser, part because I can be a light sleeper and part because I have to get up and get going to work. Used to be I would hear the alarm and hit the floor running, but I always had the sense that I was somehow running out on her. So I began setting my alarm nine minutes earlier. Now, when the alarm goes off, I hit 'snooze' and curl up next to my wife. It's amazing what that little bit of physical connection does for my morning psyche. I don't feel quite so alone getting up in the predawn darkness when we spend that little bit of time together.

Out the Door (5 Minutes)

I get up, get dressed and get the kids fed before my wife gets out of bed. She's not a morning person, so I let her sleep as long as possible. But I try to make five minutes to talk about the day, just the two of us. Schedules, goings on, kids' events and needs, lunches and everything else. It's our morning huddle before I head out the door on my way to work. If it doesn't happen in person, I'll call on my way to work to catch up.

Midday Check-in (5 Minutes)

I try to call before lunch, but sometimes it's after. Either way, I don't feel connected to home without a midday phone call, email or text. My wife understands that I'm usually tied up in meetings or working on deadline and tends to respect the fact that I will call when I have a chance. It's a trust thing. We don't always have things to catch up on. Sometimes, it's just nice to hear each other's voice.

NEXT: Post-Dinner Pow-wow

Comments (3):

Jeff P. April - thanks for the compliment about Man of the House. Please share us with all your friends and let us know if there is ever a topic you think we should cover. - 12/28/2011

Craig H. April- Thanks. Yes, she does. She has to make the effort too. It's not a one-way thing. The amazing thing about having a family is how separated you become from your spouse. It's counterintuitive, but very real. I think we both felt we were growing apart and decided to make a concerted effort to change that. It's been well worth it. Best to you and thanks for reading. - 12/28/2011

April H. Love the concept of Man of the House, thanks for giving men a place to go and learn some of the things that they may not have been taught by their fathers. I would be interested in yours wife point of view on the 39 minutes a day. Does she know you are making this effort? Does she feel the positive effects on your marriage too? Does she make an effort on her part to do some "time" share with you as well? Thanks - 12/27/2011