The Art of the Argument

April 08, 2010, By Jeff Waddle 0 comments

Any guy who has ever argued with his wife or girlfriend (and who hasn’t?) knows this is tricky business. What starts as a minor disagreement can quickly turn into a major eruption, leading to a night on the couch or even a lengthy stay in the doghouse.

No doubt, an occasional argument with the lovely lady in your life is as inevitable as death and taxes, but it doesn’t have to end badly. Some arguments can be a constructive way to solve simmering issues before they become serious problems. And, you know what they say about make-up sex.

Keep these points in mind the next time you find yourself arguing with your mate and maybe things won’t end badly for you—maybe.

• Pick your spots. There’s nothing worse than watching a disagreement over something petty turn into a blowup, so be selective about things you make an issue with. Do you really need to have a big argument over who takes out the trash or makes the coffee?
• Know what you want. Starting an argument without having some idea of your desired outcome isn’t an argument, it’s an angry attack. Knowing what you want from an argument helps keep you focused on the Big Picture solution instead of all the heat-of-the-moment comments that can get you sidetracked and spark long-term resentment.
• Listen before you speak. When it appears that an argument is unfolding, remember the old adage, "ladies first." Let her explain her point of view first and make a sincere attempt to understand it. The biggest fights typically occur when both sides obsess over winning the argument and talk at each other instead of listen.
• Know her hot buttons. Everybody’s got their hot buttons and you’d be wise to learn your mate’s if you want to keep the peace. If you’re trying to get her to curb her spending on clothes, for example, do you really need to throw an offhand comment about her mother’s meddling into the mix?
• Avoid the blame game. Want an argument to spiral out of control in a hurry? Then go at her with "you always do this" or "you never do that." Blurting out "blame game" words like always and never will make you appear inflexible and unfair, and long-term relationships rarely involve such absolutes in behavior anyway.
• Look for common ground. Constructive arguments usually end with both sides giving a little ground, so look for ways to find common ground where the solution leaves both of you feeling like you didn’t lose.
• Agree to disagree. There are times when you both might have such passionate and opposite opinions on an issue, it will be almost impossible to resolve your differences in one single discussion. Instead of arguing until you win by getting her to agree with your position, sometimes the best solution is simply to agree to disagree on the issue. You always can bring it up later, perhaps when circumstances change or cooler heads are prevailing.
• Admit when you’re wrong & apologize. Face it, there may be times in the relationship when she has the stronger argument or you’re just flat out wrong. So, just admit when you’re wrong and apologize because continuing to argue in the face of certain defeat is a surefire way to land in the doghouse. Besides, a heartfelt apology can disarm even the angriest woman.
• Forgive & forget. Whatever the outcome, remember that you love this woman and if you want her to remain in your life, you’re going to have to forgive some of the things she might have said to you when things were really heated. Many arguments don’t amount to a hill of beans, so it’s often best to forget about it and move on.
• When all else fails, try smiling. A little humor or a smile can go a long way towards cutting the tension and ultimately ending the deadlock. So, look for opportunities to lighten the mood and end the argument peacefully. There will always be future disagreements—on that there is no argument.

Jeff Waddle is a featured contributor to ManoftheHouse.com.