Chivalry is Not Dead

September 15, 2010, By 13 comments

Chivalry is Not Dead

Being a gentleman never goes out of style. Yet these days, a lot of men, perhaps even you, fall short. However, if you make chivalry a part of your life with your wife or girlfriend, greatness will follow.

Opening the door. Now I know you probably open the door for her already. But what about the car door? When was the last time you got to your destination with her, got out, walked around the car and opened the door for her?

Pull the chair out for her. When you take her out to dinner, pull out her chair, let her step up to the table and gently push the chair in so that she can sit down. If you want to bump it up a bit, do this on a regular basis at home when you eat together.

Help her on and off with her coat. When you're leaving with her to go out to dinner, help her on with her coat, and help her off with it again when you reach your destination.

Stand up when she does. If your wife needs to use the restroom during dinner, when she stands up, stop eating and stand up yourself. While she's gone, you can sit back down. When you see her coming back, stand up, walk around the table and pull the chair out for her to sit down.

Now if you're generally never this attentive to her, she's going to think something's up. She will likely think that you're trying to get lucky or that you're buttering her up for some reason. When she asks you (and she will) what is up with you, just tell her "This is my way of showing you how special you are to me." I know that sounds corny but something like that will melt her heart, especially if it comes from you.

Here's Your Practice Run

Imagine this if you will. It's Saturday night, you get a sitter for the kids and tell your wife that you have dinner reservations at a nice restaurant downtown. You help her on with her coat and hold the house door and the car door open for her.

Once at the restaurant, you help her off with her coat and help her get seated at the table. When she leaves to visit the restroom, you stand up until she leaves. When you see her returning, again you stand up and help her get seated.

After dinner, you help her on with her coat, out of the restaurant and into your car. When you arrive back home, you park and help her out of the car. You just earned a major number of points with your wife and it was all pretty simple. If you do this on a regular basis, your wife will surely match you kindness for kindness.

Comments (13):

Susan B. Kristina, I'm sorry you feel the way you do. All these things are expressions of consideration that your partner shows you. It is not an offensive, in your face slap at your ability of being a competent person! Just enjoy it for what it is, because many other women really do. - 02/24/2011
Anna D. One caveat: make sure the woman's okay with this. I had to tell my boyfriend that this sort of behavior weirds me out to get him to stop doing it. - 12/08/2010
Robert L. I gladly do these things ... when they make sense. My sense of courtesy, however, shouldn't make her look feeble or passive. If we're being led to our table at a restaurant, for example, it's silly for me to rush around her and the waiter so I can be ready to pull out her chair. If we're walking side by side, that's different. Same with opening doors - I readily do so, unless I have to run past her to get to it. Car doors? I often unlock and open her door when we're walking to the car, but she would feel foolish (something we've discussed many times) waiting for me to walk around the car to let her out. - 11/23/2010
Art V. I have always done these things for my wife. to me these things should be common sense, but I guess with a lot of guys come from homes where there was no father figure to teach them or, their fathers were/are just clods. And, chivalry does not stop with one's behavior to one's spouse, it extends to how one treats everyone. - 11/11/2010
Rod H. This should include directions on how a woman is to act like a lady. For a real gentleman will not associate with girls. - 11/10/2010
Alki K. I think this is lovely advice, and I agree with the commentator who suggested showing chivalry to all: elderly on the bus, stepping to the right when passing others on the sidewalk; walk on left, stand on right on escalators, etc. As a woman, I appreciate the extra attention, and the whole point of a man helping me on with my coat is the brush of his arm across my shoulders, which is very pleasant indeed. Flowers are always appreciated--just remember to first remove the price tag! - 10/28/2010
Beth B. Like Jean, I have had to train myself to let my new fella open doors for me as well as carry things, help me in and out of coats and such. I had a close gay friend in college who did it, but as a single mom. I got very used to doing for myself. My boyfriend finally told me he likes doing these things for me, that it makes him happy. I have also noticed that he will not begin eating or drinking until I do, so I have taught myself to start sooner than I might, so as to not leave him staring at his plate. I am also uncomfortable with the chair thing. I always feel awkward and sometimes get hurt. Just this weekend, I noticed that his courtesy extends beyond me -- he treats waitstaff politely, is pleasant to strangers and I can lose him heading through a door as he holds the door for everyone. All of that means more to me than those things he does for me. - 10/05/2010
Panagiotes K. Being a gentleman and having manners means taking other peoples needs into consideration and helping without any expectation (Giving your seat to an elderly in a bus, for example). Nothing in this article has anything to do with that, it is just repeating an outdated social ''protocol''. As a man I find this article almost offensive, while a woman who is flattered, ''appreciates'' or even expects such behavior, is not a woman I want to be with... - 10/02/2010
Doug M. Sorry, I've been yelled at by too many empowered chicks. For some reason they think that these courteous gestures are sexist in nature. Let them open their own doors. - 10/01/2010
Robert P. The standing up and sitting down as she does may get a bit tiresome, and I agree with Kristina (my lady is Christina) about the car door thing, but helping her with her coat, opening doors, definitely. One thing that wasn't mentioned - always make sure she gets fresh flowers on a regular basis (once a week). She really loves the flowers. She is feminine, but not girly-girly, and the one time I forgot to buy her flowers she seemed a little lost and disappointed until I made an excuse to go out and brought some home. They don't have to be expensive either. Anywhere from $5-20 for a pre-cut bouquet. And the key thing is usually to let her cut and arrange them the way she wants. - 10/01/2010
Kristina W. ...this is silly. Why on earth would I want to wait for a guy to walk all the way around the car to open the door, when I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself. Personally, I dislike the chair thing because my clumsy self will never be able to sit right in it if someone else is pushing it under me. I can take my own coat on and off, it kind of mystifies me as to why someone would need help doing such a simple task. And what is the purpose of standing up when the woman does...? - 09/27/2010
Jean B. I know I appreciate it! But my boyfriend pretty much had to train me to let him do it. My father always did it, not only for mom but for "his girls", too. After 17 years with a man who didn't have manners I had to relearn to allow it, not be so quick to do things for myself. Most women these days think it's a sign of disrespect if a man does these things for her, as if she is a weakling. Not true, ladies. He is showing he has manners which is always a good thing. Just go with it. - 09/25/2010
Rik K. Doing it for some years now: its a big "hit" with the girls/ladies. They do appreciate it, and the older people in the room give you lots of credit :) So guys: be a gentlemen! - 09/21/2010

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