The New Take on Going Dutch

December 30, 2010, By Karl Withakay 1 comment

This isn't the 1950s anymore. The single women of those days have since been replaced by strong, modern and independent women. That's cool, but how do you know if you should offer to pay for the date or to go dutch? Furthermore, how do you offer to pay without seeming old fashioned or chauvinistic? This in general can be really sensitive so you need to be very careful. Should you or shouldn't you offer to pay?

Going Dutch

There was a time when going dutch was pretty popular. It's still somewhat popular. There's a good argument for going dutch. Why should a guy spend $50-$100 on a show and dinner for two on the first few dates? For all he knows, they may get to know one another and find they aren't compatible. However, did you ask HER out? If you asked her out and you don't offer to pay, you might as well have asked her to go out with you and spend $25-$50 of her own money. If you asked her out, offer to pay. If she suggests going dutch, don't insist on paying but ask her, "are you sure? It's not a problem. I can pay." If she still wants to go dutch, take her up on it.

Do NOT bring up going dutch before the date. If she brings it up, tell her it is fine, but make sure you have enough funds to pay for the date just in case she changes her mind. If you bring up going dutch before the date, she may look at it like, "Well you're cute and nice and I'd like to go out with you but I'm not sure if you're good enough to spend any money on."

Be Prepared

If it has been established that you are paying for the date, make sure you are financially prepared for it. For all you know, she may insist on ordering a pricey appetizer, a two inch thick porterhouse steak with the salad bar along with desert. Now there's nothing wrong with having a drink or two with dinner but you may be drinking a coke with free refills and she may be ordering one ten dollar Margarita after another and rack up a fifty dollar bill for her drinks alone. Be prepared just in case with enough money.

It's really quite simple. If you asked her out, YOU should pay. Offer to pay but don't militantly insist on paying for the date. If she wants to go dutch, that doesn't mean that she doesn't see a future with you. Perhaps she just wants to keep it as if you two were just friends until she gets to know you better. So go ahead, ask her out and have a great time.