Don't Speak (Too Much): What Not to Say When You Start Dating

November 13, 2010, By 21 comments

Don't Speak (Too Much): What Not to Say When You Start Dating

There are a few things that can be a deal breaker when you start dating a woman. I'm not talking about your felony record or the collapse of your last marriage because you slept with your wife's best friend. These are simply some of the things you should avoid saying to her, at least while you're dating.

My job/roommate/boss sucks. Stop whining. A lot of people don't like their job, boss or their living situation, but nobody wants to hear about it. Keep that stuff to yourself. No one, including your date, likes a whiner.

I'm thinking of moving to ____. Unless your planned destination is less than an hour away, keep that to yourself. Why would this woman continue to date you if you're just going to be moving across the country in a few months?

Don't ever call me during the UFC fights on Spike TV. There's nothing wrong with you getting into sports; she expects that from you and has learned to deal with it. But even if it's true, don't openly tell her that the UFC fight is more important than anything she has to say to you. Only exception to this one may be, this woman.  

I voted for Obama/McCain or I support/detest gay marriage. Hey I'm a liberal. I'm still loyal to our president but to be honest, he has a tough job and his work performance is lacking. I'm not sorry I voted for him but many democrats and liberals are, and if you're dating a woman who is a conservative, you're going to feel like you're on a date with Laura Ingram. If you're dating a Mormon or conservative and tell her that you support gay marriage because you believe that any kind of love is good, you might as well end the date right now. Keep politics and religion out of the conversation. Those things are best discussed after the two of you get to know each other better.

You go (or went) to Dixie State College? I hated that school. This gal is going into some serious debt or paying a lot of money to go to this school. She isn't going to like you insulting her alma mater. Some students hold a very high allegiance to their college. You could be treading on thin ice with a comment like that.

I have a credit score of 355. You've just told this lady that you don't manage money well and that you'll never be able to buy a house or a new car. Keep your credit score and money problems to yourself. It's not about her digging for gold, it's about your perceived lack of accountability - a trait many women - most people- like in a person.

Saying any of these things to a woman early in the dating game can cause her to give up on a relationship with you. If you don't want that to happen, avoid making statements like the ones above. This will give you some time to work on that credit score.

Comments (21):

Scott J. Am L. said it best. If you're looking for marriage then you need to be upfront, but in a professional manner, with what kind of person you are. There is no need to wait. Either that person is going to accept you, consider you, or disregard you based on YOU, not some false provodo. A lot of men and women are good at manipulation and the moment you come across as someone with an opinion, they will realize that they cannot manipulate YOU. Some folks just want someone to push around. Guys need to learn to show personality instead of saying "yes" all the time. As a friends wife told me this past weekend, some women like weak men because they can treat them like shit and they know he'll never leave because he has no self-confidence. Hence the hottie with the fattie. - 09/14/2011
Don J. great article, however I vehemently dissagree with the "I voted for ..." suggestion. I marvel at politically discordant couples - I wouldnt want a conservative to TOUCH me, let alone be married to one... and for those who say "you take politics too seriously", my response is this: you obviously don't take them seriously enough. Point blank PERIOD. - 07/27/2011
Mike M. Yeah, by all means do not honestly represent yourself as you being a relationship. THe author might know how to get laid, but doesn't have a flying clue how to cultivate a mature relationship. - 06/28/2011
Joe S. When in doubt, just lie - 06/27/2011
Joanne T. Don't talk (BRAG!) about all the ex loves in your life...total turn off to be # 271 in someone's life!!! Of course we all have a past, but leave it there for a while. - 06/25/2011
Big A. Do some innocent and fun things on the first few dates. See how the person inter-acts in public. Melt downs in traffic? Whiny? Needy? Pushy standing in a line? My fav was pre-meeting discussions via email about how rude 'cell phone-olics' were. First meeting, the phone rang, and person not only took the call, but turned body away from me, excluding me entirely. I got up...and walked. - 06/11/2011
No N. How about this for something a man shouldn't reveal on a first date? I once went on a first date with a guy who proceeded to tell me that his father had tried to kill him and that his family hates him because it was his testimony that put his father in prison. While I'm sure this info would be necessary for any potential girlfriend of this man, it was a little much for a first date!!! The poor guy obviously had emotional problems no sane woman would touch with a 10 foot pole! It actually was a little bit scary and I didn't go out with him again. (Haha last time I go out on a blind date set up by my Dad!) - 06/09/2011
No N. How do you make a comment? - 06/09/2011
Jon T. Bottom line: Don't talk about anything actually important. - 05/19/2011
Dan C. I dated a woman in Stow, Ohio who informed me of two significant things when I dated her. One was that she thought it would be good to date men, even though she could just as easily have purchased a dog. Two, she was planning to move to Birmingham, Alabama. Sorry, Jill. I wanted more than a roll in the hay. You were not "a keeper". - 05/07/2011
Monterey C. Left out the #1 thing not to say: "my ex-wife is evil" or describing why you're divorced. How is the date supposed to respond? "Oh, she cheated on you? What other horrible pain did that evil b*tch cause you? Tell me everything! Don't worry, spending our first date re-living your traumatic past won't make me see you as a self-pitying victim who isn't over his marriage yet and isn't interested in learning about me." - 05/07/2011
Laughing M. If you're the lucky bastard dating Gina Carano, then either you've got front row tickets to the UFC fight, or she's watching it with you. Either way, she's probably not calling you anyway. - 05/06/2011
Am L. As someone who owns several dating websites this is great advice...if you are only looking for a roll in the hay. If your goal is sex then you should definitely not say too much. Just be fun, positive, attentive and look as good as you can. Sexual attraction is generally very surfacy. However, if you are looking for a so-called soulmate and are tired of settling and refuse to do it again then this isn't the best advice. You actually need to TRY and scare off the other person with your *honest* revelations, viewpoints and thoughts. You need for the other person to do the same. Why waste time with someone who ultimately isn't right for you (unless it's purely a physical thing)? Of course there should be a sense of timing and something less than a bull-in-a-China-shop mentality to your delivery but the fact that you would vote for Sarah Palin or think religions are, indeed, the opiate of the masses, or that you are bisexua,l or whatever need to be out there if they are "deal-breakers" to you. You are looking for that one person who is not only NOT scared off by your thoughts but is actually intrigued so to play the glib game will only get you ehat you've always had before... - 05/04/2011
John H. There's not a thing wrong with discussing politics or religion on a date. If a woman has diametrically opposite views from me, I certainly don't see why we would continue in a relationship. I'd rather know upfront, what views someone has of the world instead of finding out later. - 04/24/2011
B B. Some of this is really horrible advice. I think it's very important to know whether we agree on things like religion, abortion, etc BEFORE getting emotionally invested in a relationship. Moving is particularly important. If I've been seeing you for a couple of months and suddenly you say "and when I move a thousand miles away in a couple weeks...." you're not only getting dumped, you'll be the subject of jackass boyfriend stories for years to come! - 04/13/2011
George H. This advice is for men that wants to get laid and not thinking of a relationship. Be honest and you wont get laid, be dishonest and you have no relationship. - 02/13/2011
Kris L. Some of this advice I get, but others I feel are deceitful. When my fiancé and I started dating, I informed him I was moving in 3 months half way across the country. Why would I not tell him? I wanted him to realize that this relationship might not go anywhere, and it’s better to be honest about this fact upfront before real feelings got involved. Two years later he’s still with me. If the person really care or want a relationship with you, distance won’t matter (not with all the technology available now). Now, we’re only 5 hours apart and planning to marry. Secondly, I feel being upfront about things like politics and what not because with the divorce rate being so high, I don’t want to be with someone where we disagree on things like morals, values, or religion or how we want to raise kids. While a physical attraction is important, it’s important to me that I date someone who has some of the same affiliations as me, so later if we become more involved we aren’t disagreeing or arguing. Waiting to get to know one another adds that “maybe they’ll change” attitude into the relationship – and we wonder why the divorce rate is so high. And did he give up on me? No, what a stereotypical article that offers bad advice in areas where it truly matters to be honest so one doesn’t set themselves up for disaster later. Remember, it’s harder to get out of a bad thing later and open and honestly in the beginning. - 02/07/2011
Bunny D. Don't talk about the loves in your life, past or present, and don't talk about your health troubles. - 01/09/2011
T S. "Keep politics and religion out of the conversation. Those things are best discussed after the two of you get to know each other better." No way. How will you get to know each other if you don't discuss important issues like religion and politics? I wouldn't want to waste anyone's time by continuing to go out with them before I find out if we're at least compatible on basic issues like that. - 12/01/2010
Jackie S. OMG. I've been telling my whole life story on my fb wall. But nobody has even noticed me, except pranksters. - 11/27/2010
Robert L. All good suggestions. Candor is essential, but it's important to know how much to tell when. Maybe a good rule of thumb is asking yourself how much you want to know about her at this point? Do you want to hear about how stupid she thinks fantasy football is, that she got so wasted one time at the bar across the street that she can't remember how she got home, or that she's had her bridesmaids picked out since high school? One step at a time. - 11/23/2010

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