How to Buy Your Wife a Greeting Card

September 10, 2011, By Jack Heffron 2 comments

Jack Heffron

Spent much time in the greeting card aisle at your grocery store or pharmacy? If you’re a guy: probably not. I hate to generalize—and no doubt there are many exceptions to the stereotype—but for most guys, cards aren’t a big deal. For most women, they are. So it’s a topic worth some study. And so I did. My investigation took me to several card aisles, where I lingered for a while, pretending to read while I observed other shoppers. The results weren’t at all surprising.

Women bought a greater variety of cards, and they spent much more time reading them before choosing the one they wanted. A couple of women even bought several cards in the same section, apparently to give themselves time to make the final choice at home (or maybe they have a lot of friends with birthdays coming up).

Guys: five minutes. Tops. Some bought the first card they picked up. Others examined a few cards, but either they were speed readers or they just skimmed to get the gist of the message. Nearly all made their decisions quickly (much quicker than the average woman), grabbed an envelope and sped off.

Here’s another sweeping generalization: your wife will read the card from the first line to last and act as if you wrote it. Why not pick a card that accurately expresses how you feel? Now, it’s tough to go too far wrong with a card, since it’s tough to find one that says, “It’s your birthday and I’m supposed to buy a card so here you go.” Still, why not make the “win” a big one and touch the heart of the woman you love?

How? Well, through the years and through my recent undercover investigation I’ve learned a few lessons worth sharing.

Avoid Humor.

Unless you find the perfect card that you’re sure will make your wife laugh hysterically, one that speaks to some shared moment you both still joke about, you’re wise to avoid wisecracks of any kind. A card tells your wife she’s special to you—and that’s not funny. It’s serious, and you should be too when you’re making your choice. She wants a card that expresses your feelings of love. Let her reading of the card be a moment that touches her with an expression of your deep feelings, ones you probably don’t verbalize as much as she’d like.

NEXT: Avoid avoiding the effusive message.