9 Rules for Surviving Man Dates
June 29, 2011, By Craig J. Heimbuch 1 comment
We've all been there. Our wives and their friends get together and plan a little mixer. They think it will be great for the husbands to get to know each other. The families will bond. We'll be BFFs and all take a trip to Magic Mountain together.
I've been there a lot—more, I'd guess, than the average bear my age—because my wife has served as one of the social chairs for her church mom's group for the last three or four years. That means every party, every cook-out, every pizza night, movie night and Tuesday night I'm there. She needs to be there, so I do too.
I've never claimed to be the coolest guy. Fact is, I've always been a bit awkward socially. But over the course of probably 15 events a year for the last three years, I've had an opportunity to observe a lot of different men and how they act when thrown into a situation where they are expected to make nice with their wife's friends' husbands. Some do it really well. Others, not so much. So, what follows is a sort of best practices for surviving (and thriving) during the next community get-together.
Rule #1- Listen More, Talk Less
This really should go without saying. I was at a party once and there was a guy who would not shut his trap. He had to be the center of attention at all times, which is fine if he were, say, the Dos Equis guy, but this guy was pretty much a tool. He kept blathering on and on about his golf handicap, his big work bonuses and his opinions about, well, everything. He sat among a group of probably 20 guys and none of them got a word in edgewise. If ruling a conversation is verboten, then so, too, is not participating. There are a couple of guys who, in these situations, tend to sit off by themselves or—worse—among the rest of us without saying a word. I know meeting a group of stangers can be awkward, but come on, you have to make at least a little effort. Strike the balance between being the king tool and the creepy guy in the corner.
Rule #2- Engage the Ladies
My friend Rob is really good at this. Every time he sees my wife, he kisses her on the cheek and asks how she's doing. If we're at a party with 20 couples, he'll take the time to do this with all the ladies. Your wife may say she wants you to go to these parties to meet new people, but what she really wants is to impress her friends by how amazing you are. Don't just go off with the guys. Be social. Your wife will appreciate the effort, her friends will think you're awesome and you'll leave a lasting impression.
Rule #3- Quote Movies, Not Stats or Stock Prices
I used to think sports were a safe topic among men, but then I came across Intense Guy. He's the one who knows every stat of every game ever played anywhere. He's intense. He's in your face. He's always right, and his passion for sports often goes from enthusiastic and social to obsessive and creepy. Stay away from sports. And the stock market. Why? Well, talking about the market often leads to talking about economic policy, taxes and politics. Not good conversation among men so loosely associated. You want to keep this thing pretty superficial. Really superficial. Movies are best. They are the great guy equalizer. "Caddyshack," "Airplane," "The Big Lebowski" are all acceptable options. Not acceptable? "Fried Green Tomatoes," "Yentl," "Citizen Kane" or anything with the words "Sisterhood" or "Princess" in the title. Let's keep this high-level and shallow. I memorized the jive sections of "Airplane," which is always good for a laugh and, on the occasion of a fish fry, you can bust out "I could dig some of the butta on the dragon fruit garden." Always a winner.
Rule #4- Eat Less (If at All)
I know it's a potluck, but that doesn't mean you need to hover over the food. Some people eat because they are hungry, some because they are nervous, others because they are bored. Regardless, avoid the temptation to eat all the Asian noodle salad in the bowl. Eating is strategic at these things. Make sure you try the dishes made by your wife's closest friends, avoid those by the women she doesn't really like. Compliment the chef, then throw the plate away. Free up a hand for shaking, the other for holding a drink. The less you eat, the less chance you'll spill or, worse, be remembered not for your engaging wit and sparkling banter, but for your cheeks buldging with Buffalo chicken dip.
NEXT: Rule #5 - Don't Watch the Clock
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