Are Sibling Rivalries Normal?
January 10, 2012, By James Pilcher 0 comments
My biggest hope for the new year is, on the surface, pretty simple: I want my two oldest sons to stop fighting.
Nearly every dad out there with more than one kid, especially more than one son, knows what I’m talking about. In our case, it’s my 15-year-old son battling his 11-year-old brother. They are both at fault and neither will back down—or see any redeeming qualities in the other.
To get to the bottom of it, I’ve done some research online and interviewed an expert or two. So here are some practical tips I’ll be trying out during the next few weeks.
A Common Goal
I had a phone conversation with Ted Ossege, co-owner of Viewpoint Psychological Services in Fort Mitchell, Kentucky, just outside of Cincinnati. And the biggest takeaway for me was to get the two boys working together TOWARD something instead of against each other.
“This can be either a carrot or stick approach, but the carrot is much more effective I find,” says Ossege, a licensed clinical social worker. “Make it so that they have to get along or not fight for a day or two or four to get a reward. Or make them clean each other’s rooms to see what the other lives like.”
When he offered this advice, it immediately brought back memories of the times when the boys DO get along. And one of the most frequent times is when we are horsing around in the pool. They LOVE to gang up on me and work together for the only time in their lives.
Ossege mentions a study of some kids and rivalries that was done a few years back. The counselors split the kids into two groups at a summer camp and spent the whole week building up rivalries through competition and other means.
But the goal of the study was to learn ways of pulling the kids back together. The solution?
“They had the first group in a bus leaving camp in front of the second group,” Ossege says. “But then the first bus broke down on purpose, so the only way that both groups could get out was to work together. Working toward a common goal is an incredible bonding experience and can really help eliminate a lot of animosity.”
NEXT: Forget the “Warm and Fuzzies”
