The Need for Manly Friendships

July 03, 2010, By William Browning 3 comments

Despite our wives' protestations, men value their friendships with other men immensely. With all the gross things that men talk about, we still find some time to play golf, drink beer or sit around the campfire just to have time with our best buds. There are many reasons why men like to hang out with each other. It is normal, natural and inevitable.

Father and Son Bonding

Friendships between men may actually harken back to the time we spent with our fathers. As we become adults, we come to rely on our fathers less and less, but the need to have some kind of kinship with a man still remains. It was our fathers who taught us how to throw a baseball, which bait to use on our hook, and how to treat women by the example they set in their own marriages. The friendships men develop with other men may be an attempt to relive some of the events of our childhoods. That's why we go on fishing trips, hunting trips, watch sports and have bachelor parties with each other.

When my own son needs to work off some steam, it usually involves video games or doing something physically active that neither his mother nor sister will engage in. Enter the "mantitude club," as my wife calls it. This is when she sends us outside to get our testosterone levels back to normal. A report from ABC News talks about a study that showed men needed other men to help motivate them for exercise and workouts. When my wife yells at me, it's not nearly as effective as it would be if a male authority figure, such as a drill sergeant, did the same.

Testosterone

There are some issues that men have that only other men can relate to. Women are the same way when they talk to their girlfriends about their menstrual cycles or being a mother. Other men could only possibly understand things such as prostate cancer or how to be fathers.

Only men can know what it's like living with the need to relieve the pressure that comes with having more testosterone than estrogen. The levels of this male hormone peak in men's bodies at 40.

Advice

Yes, men actually seek advice from each other. Not only do we need advice about women from men, but also asking a female about a relationship with our wife would be completely inappropriate.

Dr. Warren Farrell has written many books about why the male of the species does what we do. He found that men with highly developed social lives with each other relate better to their wives, their kids, and are better people in general, according to Time magazine. His studies reveal what us men already know and have tried to explain to our wives for years.

Pack Mentality

There may be a more primal reason why men need to hang out with each other. Imagine 20,000 years ago, when a hunting party went out to secure the meat that would feed a small group for a month. It was during these hunting trips that adult men passed on their ways of surviving to the sons of the group. Hunting for food also served as a way for men to become closer to each other after surviving a long ordeal. These men learned to rely on each other and became smarter because of these primitive hunts.

Men still value going on adventures in packs. Whether we go to a ball game or go on a camping trip with the men in the family, we learn a lot about the people we are when we experience something together as men. Modern society is replete with examples such as basic training in the military and professional sports teams.

Male friendships are not just a part of life, they are necessary for us to gain skills that ultimately will help us to relate to our wives better. So when you ask to spend an afternoon playing golf with your buddies, you should tell your wife that you'll be a better person because of it. Just don't overdo the privilege afforded to us tame dogs by the women we love.