Surviving the Empty Nest

August 31, 2010, By Catherine Couretas 1 comment

It’s late August and all of the birds have now left the nest. One’s just starting college, one’s about to graduate college and the other has been working full time at an investment company 500 miles away. You feel relaxed. You’ve now got some quality time to spend on your own and with your wife. But you can’t help but really start to miss your kids and get uneasy with the feeling of a near-empty house.

This, although it may not seem like it, can have a sour effect on your marriage. When kids leave the home, couples sometimes divorce, as they’ve let their children keep them together though the idea of separation had already crossed their minds. This isn’t commonplace, though, and with good communication you’ll have nothing to worry about.

What’s Different?

Everything. Everything is different. You’ll notice you need less of everything, from groceries to laundry to noise. You’re free to do what you want when you want – no one is fighting for the computer or the last snacks in the kitchen. The extra time, though, does leave more room for arguments and sadness – all from missing your kids.

One of the hardest things can be seeing your kids’ rooms without all of the hustle and bustle. It’s a feeling you’ll have to get used to. In general, you’ll have a lot more space to yourself, and it will seem very odd.

What Should I Do With the Space?

Truth is, your kids may not be back with you for long periods of time – school holidays and perhaps a summer or two. The best way to make this transition easy is to make it gradual. If you know, let’s say, your oldest is on his own for good, re-do his old room and make it into something you and your wife have always wanted – such as an upstairs home gym, family room or guest room when your kids return to visit with their families.

Don’t think that you have to get rid of all of the old stuff, either. Some trinkets and toys might have seen better days, but things like the bed and dressers will come in handy, whether it’s re-furnishing a room in your home or sending it with one of your kids when they get their own place.

Doing this will also encourage your children’s independence. Don’t let them think that you’re forcing them out while they’re away at school, but convey that changes are being made around the home because there’s a different atmosphere. Chances are, once your kids realize what it’s like living on their own, they will try and come home as little as possible, so savor the moments when they are around.

What Should I Do With My Time?

Talk with your spouse, a lot. Keep communication open and chat about your kids or anything else. There is no excuse for not having enough time to talk about something, so be open, especially if you’re missing your kids. Chances are your wife feels the exact same way.

Make sure to do what you haven’t had time for. Whether it’s renovating the house, taking a class or going on a vacation you thought you’d never be able to take. You’ve earned it after raising kids and getting them out into the real world. Whatever it is you do, make sure you’re enjoying yourself. The time is yours, so embrace it.

Catherine Couretas is a freelancer at Barefoot Proximity and a contributor to ManoftheHouse.com.