When to Cut Old Friends Loose

May 29, 2010, By 20 comments

When to Cut Old Friends Loose

A lot of middle-aged guys have an old friend or two who have outlived their usefulness. It’s the guy from high school, college or the neighborhood that perhaps once was a good friend but now, he’s made you thankful for the advent of Caller I.D.

He calls you at inappropriate times like when you’ve settled in for the night and you’re trying to watch a movie or your favorite show. And, when you do pick up the phone, he’s never got anything positive to say. He’s always chiding you for not staying in touch, badgering you to get together, gossiping about other old acquaintances you could care less about or whining about his lot in life. In other words, he’s a pill.

But, what do you do about it other than avoid his calls and hope he finally gets the message? Maybe it’s time to simply cut him loose. Here’s a rundown of the typical pills and tools in the world of old friends that you should consider telling adios old amigo, as well as tips on how to get the unpleasant deed done.

The Whiner. He’s the energy vampire that does nothing but bitch, moan and whine about everything, mostly about his lousy lot in life. After a long day of work, he’s the last guy you want to talk to but there he is on other end telling you every detail of his miserable existence. If you’re not careful, he can drag you down with him. Cut this guy loose by telling him you’ve become too depressed to talk—ever.

The Narcissist. This self-absorbed blow hard bores you to tears because he does nothing but talk about himself. You’ll hear every tedious detail of his vacation or kid’s soccer game and even if you do finally get a chance to talk about your life, he cuts you short and says he’s got to go. If you’re elusive enough for long enough, he’ll probably find another ear to bend. People like this can’t stand not having an audience.

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Comments (20):

Rufus J. I caught this article off an LA Times link. I checked out a couple of other articles. This site is called "Man" of the house? These are just women's articles with the genders reversed. Complete with "The (fill in personality type here)" stuff like this article. This site should be called "What Women Think Men Should Be Like," and this article should be called "How To Make Your Man Get Rid of Friends You Don't Like." I'm not fooled. - 06/27/2011
Sam T. Pretty silly magazine here. "Man Of The House" is an odd name, considering all of the articles seem to be written from the perspective of either women or really effeminate men. Down the road, this magazine may well have a good following, but it'll be 90+% women. Want proof? There's an article on this site entitled "7 reasons why I refused to watch the royal wedding." There AREN'T 7 reasons for a man. There's one: he's a MAN. - 06/27/2011
Susanne M. Excuse me, Nick S....your 'crew?' Sounds like you're not quite ready for a committed relationship yet with your 'girl.' It's all about a happy balance. My beau is too nice and a people-pleaser. He'll put his friend's needs first becaue he knows (or assumes) that I'll always be around. My beau is 47 and has friends about the same age going into their 50's. And, yes...he has one friend who I have vehemently declared that I do not want to see anymore. He is one of those who has been divorced about three times. I call him a serial dater because he just jumps from one relationship to the next...can't be by himself. This guy is almost 50 years old. My beau and I were having a night to ourselves on a weeknight. We hadn't seen much of each other because of various issues. We had a very nice dinner and had just settled in to watch a movie we both wanted to see. It was about 9:30pm. Then, there's a knock on the door, and lo and behold, it's this guy. And, he ALWAYS does this. He'll drive around at night, on weeknights, dropping in unannounced on his buddies. He sees my car in the driveway, but decides to stop by anyway. So, what does my beau do??? Invites him in with open arms! To make matters worse, the guy starts a political argument with me and accues me of 'thinking I'm better than he is.' I stormed upstairs and after the jerk left, my beau is clueless as to how angry I am and I pack my bag and leave. The night was ruined by this 50 year old jerk and by the fact that my 47 year old beau didn't have a clue. It's time to grow up. Or, it's time for me to get out because it's obvious his friends are more important. And, that's fine. Just don't drag a girlfriend into the fray. - 06/27/2011
Wade Q. There should be one more paragraph to this article. It should say, "If you find yourself unable or unwilling to straightforwardly deal with your own friends, you are not a man yet. Finish becoming a man, and all your problems of this nature will disappear. - 06/23/2011
Larz B. Sorry, friend, you don't fit my lifestyle anymore. You gotsta go. So, who's not the real friend? - 06/22/2011
Nick S. Shocker...Women are loving this article? Well I like my friends and none of them are perfect and I don't want the stuffy and cultured boringggg friend I like my crew and that's how we roll.....so go drink wine and cheese you bunch of herbs..if my girl doesn't like my friend that means he's doing something right lol - 06/16/2011
Pamala S. My husband had a friend that used to call when he was pulling into the driveway and say "hey I'm here - whatcha doin'?" without calling to let us know he was coming. It was just rude. We got a peep hole installed and quit answering the door. It took him a few times to get the idea. - 06/13/2011
John D. Actually, a MUCH WORSE problem is when your erstwhile friends are now "too busy" to give a flip about you. It's always "the wife and the kids" -- the same old excuses. Why do friendships have to end after a certain age? Is your wife supposed to be your only friend? - 06/12/2011
Night L. When you're old and alone, if you are lucky enough to live that long, you might find yourself regretting "losing" your oldest friends because you didn't have much in common at age 35. It's easy to burn bridges, if it's all about what people can do for you. - 05/31/2011
Tony F. Oh yes! My friend Mike the narcissist. Ever since the guy became filthy rich he's not the same anymore. I'm honestly not jealous of him...in fact I admire him greatly for all that he's accomplished. But one more story about lunch in Casablanca and dinner in Paris and, well I'd hate to say any thing I'll wind up regretting, but it really gets old! - 05/09/2011
Harry S. I need the internet to know this? - 05/06/2011
Frosty7530 N. This is good advice. I sure do recognize all these troublesome callers! The problem? Sadly, I know I have also been one of these callers. Before we judge people out of our lives, and we might have too , ask yourselves this: Recall those times when you have needed to bitch/talk on a bad day. Even worse a bad "time frame". If you are blessed with happy prosperous lives and have lots of support, lots of friends- - read no further. You can afford whatever decision you take, with few repercussions. I look back upon friends I have had to "turn lose". A few of them, I miss lots. I recall their "gifts" to me, the fun times we had, and I am able to see at times, why their personalities may have gone sour. Many had to endure genuine suffering and clinical depression. I wished I could have helped them. This was a good "item" to bring up, because at times in life others become bad for our own mental health. Recently, I saw a picture of an old friend. He had become a real pill. A rabid fan of Rush Limbaugh, he would call up & rave about all issues we disagreed on. He would brag about things I cared nothing about. He was always overspending. He was an ex priest, a former school teacher of learning disabled. I saw a picture of Father Gerald who had rejoined his religious order. Through the "network" of info provided, I was able to glance at his new life. He looked so happy, at age 75, he was back doing good work; being a much better and more interesting person than I could hope to be. He had recently won a local photog. contest at a major newspaper. Before cutting loose, check your own "bank accounts". Try to refer your friend to therapy, or perhaps just a program/activity they would enjoy. Tell them you care, but that lately they are just bringing you down with them. When talking to them, in non-threatening but direct way, tell them you will no longer talk about/gossip about certain people issues. There is nothing to lose by trying to help an unhappy friend. Most important, be sure you are innocent of ever being unhappy to point of grousing. Ask yourself how long these periods of depression lasted. What kinds of advice would have helped you then? What would you have wished your friends had said to you that may have helped get you out of rut?? On the other hand, if your first gut level response is "Are U kidding? This guy is not into Ofrah or whatever". Then by all means cut it loose. You are not good for this guy either. - 04/21/2011
Joe F. nothing worse then the guy who lives in the past and drags you back there anytime you talk to them......Glory days ????I think loser..... - 04/18/2011
John W. I have a friend like this....Always leaching food,beer,my company or time...He even has called me in the middle of the night all drunk.(on many occasions)I don't hang out with him because he likes to be in the bar all the time.I used to be like that when I was in my 20's,but I have outgrown this stupidity,and he just doesn't seem to get it.If you're almost 50 years old and live in your Sister's unfinished basement and live in and out of a bar.....you need more than just a friend,you need professional help. - 04/16/2011
Rob S. KInd of a goofy, tongue-in-cheek article, but there is a kernel of truth to this. Was great friends with this guy in college, and even then he had a morose streak about him (think 'emo'; always depressed about the girl that got away, etc). Back then, I would literally have to drag him out of his apartment at times just to go have a beer (he also didn't have much money, so I'd end up buying). A few years later, I moved from MA to CA. We stayed in touch. I always made it a point to drop in and visit with him when I'd go back east. Then I got married and had kids. Didn't hear boo from this guy. Barely a "congratulations". Didn't come to the wedding. Barely acknowledged the births of my children. I really wanted to share the joy I got from all of this. It was then that I realized -- this guy's never gonna change. He's what older generations would call a "sad sack". It's good to have old friends. But if they don't contribute, to or share in the highs and lows of, your life -- what's the point? Are you just going to wax nostalgic about the KISS concert you went to for the rest of your life? If your friend was girl instead, bitching about her life or unenthusiastic about yours, would you keep them in your life? Probably not. Free up some space. It's like when you take old clothes out of your closet and donate them or whatever -- it makes room for new clothes. - 03/19/2011
Mike B. What does it say about a guy who only has friends who fit these types? - 02/27/2011
Gangstalook G. Well all of these personalities of men we most certainly have had n our lives or still have in our lives, but instead of looking at the down side of these male personalities alot of us men are equally concerned when we don't get any calls at all and we have to spend every waking minute doing all things our females like (because we have no friends) its just no that cut and dry to cut the umbilical cord on our friends because truth be told- i have been some of the characters in the article and over time I have grown with each women I dated or been committed to; so instead of judging friends you might NEED later when you and your female are at odds it may be best to keep these friends in your phone and know where they live in case you need them - 02/19/2011
Shay G. You know, I try to take some joy in the fact that someone wants to talk to me, even if it is inconvenient. I guess dicks like you just have too many friends. Enjoy yoga with your wife, turd. - 02/11/2011
Mike W. Funny Article, but hasn't all of us been one of 'those guys' at some point??? - 02/08/2011
Jennifer M. Great article! My boyfriend and I need to lose old college friends.We are very busy but never are allowed time to take care of life's mattersSometimes people get so rude because you aren't an entertainment center 24/7.I can relate to types of friends completely.All of our oldies are examples of mentioned problems.Meeting new people can make for better times,new ideas,interests.Our new friends care about us,old friends were using us,draining us. - 06/06/2010

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