Dr. Helen Fisher: Intimacy Expectations in Marriage
March 02, 2011, By Dr. Helen Fisher 0 comments
Helen Fisher, PhD Biological Anthropologist, has conducted extensive research and written five books on the evolution and future of human sex, love, marriage, gender differences in the brain and how your personality type shapes who you are and who you love.
Transcript: The next question comes from a man who said, my wife and I have been together since high school. Back then, we didn't talk about sex because we were too young and embarrassed. Now that we're older, I really want to communicate sexual desires and concerns, but it has never been a part of our relationship. Is there a way to broach the topic even though we've been together for 15 years and have never really had that talk? First of all I want to congratulate you for starting this conversation. Good relationships need to be constantly expanding, constantly growing. And sex is an important part of almost all relationships. So it is good that you have started to think about how you are going to do this. The first thing I would do is just raise the topic that you want to talk about it in the future. And I think you should raise the topic anywhere but the bedroom, preferably not even in the house. Very often when I want to say something sexual to, about our sex life to a man, I’ll do it actually in the movies - right before the movie is about to begin. I’ll just say, I’d talk about - a little time with you to talk about something in our sex lives. That way he is safe, you don’t have to do anything now, the movie is about to begin, we don’t have to have the conversation now,but I opened it for the dialogue. Then when the time comes the first thing you need to do is ask her about her concerns, so she gets her time in and remembering the five to one rule. Start out by telling her five things that you really do like about your sex life with her. And then very gently talk about the one that you’d like to change. And I think the most important thing you have to remember here is that women are verbal, women get intimacy from talking and I don’t think you are going to threaten her by starting this conversation. And then slowly of course you will build a new and better sex life.
