Talking About Sex

September 25, 2010, By 8 comments

Talking About Sex

Your mom and dad might have shushed you when you brought up the "s" word in polite conversation. In fact, they might still shoot piercing glares of disappointment in your direction if you happen to bring it up today. But we live in a different world now, one where talking about sex is not only acceptable and expected, but necessary for your health.

Whether you've been married to the same woman for the last 20 years or you've just started dating that girl you see running in the park every morning, you need to learn how to talk about sex. She expects you to be open about your desires and your concerns, and she expects you to care about her feelings on the subject as well.

Broaching the Subject

You probably don't need to talk about sex on the first date — unless, of course, you plan on having it — but go ahead and get this subject out in the open early on. The sooner you talk about sex, the faster you'll learn if you're on the same page.

Just make sure to choose a private place for the conversation. Noisy restaurants and bustling museums are not the place to discuss your sex life, and the last thing you want is to put her in a situation where she feels vulnerable or cornered.

Taking the Lead

Men are not exactly known for their willingness to communicate, but on this subject you might have to take the lead. Women are willing to talk about sex, for the most part, but their partners are responsible for drawing them out. Remember: If you aren't comfortable talking about sex, you probably shouldn't be having it.

Make it a safe, pressure-free exchange of ideas rather than an interrogation. Tell her what you like, what you don't like, and the level of importance you assign sex in a relationship. Then ask open-ended questions designed to solicit how she really feels, and not what she thinks you want to hear.

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Comments (8):

I can't remember the last time I had sex. Maybe 6 months ago? - 06/01/2011
Will I.
Will I. I had a delightful time with three women last Friday at happy hour. My wing man and were sharing a table with 3 women we didn't know and I broke the ice with, "I believe that animals with internal genitalia are superior to the ones that wear them on the outside." My buddy cringed and looked for a secure hiding place. The women laughed, clinked their ale glasses and cried, "Here's to us!" After that, we could talk about anything. That is my original line, so if you use it, you'll have to pay me a royalty. See how at: Homelessinportland.tumblr.com - 05/14/2011
Taylor P. Oh Katherine A...How you girls astound me (Yes I used the word "girls" just to bug the shit out of you) Woman are all different, yet have A LOT in common, but using the word girl, woman, or lady in neither a turn off or insult unless of course a man is talking to you or all women. Lady is actually old English, so not from the rednecks honey, because they use 'miss' and ' ma'am' ALSO the word lady is actually polite and a compliment, but you should know the definition better than me, right? Lady-a woman who is refined, polite, and well-spoken Damn must suck to have words shoved back at you when you should know their meaning. Apparently you have more problems then all these men since you are on this site and on this certain link. Anyway I solute all you married men that thrive to improve your marriage, congratulations and good luck! Cordially Smartass :) - 05/11/2011
Katharine A. Anyone running in the park who's old enough for you to hit on isn't a 'girl' - she's a woman. What's with this fear of the w-word? And FYI, 'lady' is the ignorant redneck version. No wonder you people have issues. - 05/10/2011
Scir91on You Tube E.
Scir91on You Tube E. when i was 13, i took my older brother's "high society" magazine into the bathroom, masturbated, and then came out. my mom was right outside the door. it was embarassing. since i didn't have a dad, she didn't know how to talk to a boy about this. she just ignored it. it's too bad kids today get their sex education from porn and forums, rather than family or adults. you can't even talk about sex in school as teachers because it is considered blasphemy and sacreligious. i find it funny that kids are yelled at for looking at swimsuits on the internet at school yet they go home the same day and jerk off with images and video on their cellphones/computers. it's amazing how hypocritical american society is - 04/16/2011
Marco W. While dating my wife and I used to discuss all the different things that we had done in our past sex lives and what we thought about new things. This was a great way to start out. Now after 2 kids and nearly 20yrs of marriage, talking about sex other than that was fun, is not allowed. Talking during is not allowed. I try to read as much as I can about what people are doing and how they are doing it. I like to see and read about new things to maybe try. The response I get is " whats wrong with what we are doing... I good with it". Now before anyone asks, she is the same size she was when I met her and still looks great. 5ft, 110lbs petite. - 03/15/2011
Peter W. I our marriage we already spent a whole night in a balcony of night club just talking abour how do we feel about sex desires preferences, even talked about experiences being flirted or invited to date by third persons and how to handle, what to expect each other - 10/13/2010
Robert P. I guess I'm lucky in more ways than one. My lady and I talk about what we like before, during, and after. You have to be a little more subtle during the act, but it helps a lot to be open about it. Shyness never helped anyone in the sex department. And we have great sex as a result. - 10/01/2010

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