5 Tips for Talking With Your Kids About Divorce

March 23, 2011, By 1 comment

5 Tips for Talking With Your Kids About Divorce

“Daddy, why don’t you and mommy live together anymore?”

About a year ago, that question stopped me in my tracks. It came from my son, who was two years old at the time, after I noticed a sad look on his face while we prepared dinner one evening. I was heartbroken by such a valid and genuine question from my little guy.

But it got me thinking.

Divorce is hard on kids of any age. I can remember growing up in a split home, during the late 80s and early 90s, and dealing with issues of low self-esteem, lack of trust and difficulty making friends at school. My parents split when I was five and the sudden changes in routines and locations hit me hard.

Kids Remember More Than You Think


Kaden’s mom and I split not long before his third birthday. We thought that because he was so young, it might be easier for him. Maybe, we hoped, he simply wouldn’t remember how things were before the marriage ended.

Unfortunately, the consensus of experts is that most children gain the ability to recall memories somewhere between the ages two and five years old.

Taking that to heart, I think it’s a safer bet for parents to err on the side of caution. Even at a young age, our kids are aware of their surroundings, the decisions we make as parents and even snapshot-style memories of specific events.

That’s also a rather scary notion when faced with the decision to split a family.

So what can you do as a blended dad? Are there overarching guidelines you can follow to make things as easy as possible for your child?

Next: The Five Tips

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Comments (1):

Joey S. My ex and I split right before I left for Iraq, when our daughter was only 19 months old. The geographic seperation helped me emotionally and financially, and allowed for a smoother transition to a "new normal" when I came home a year later. Things were very difficult at first, when two different parenting styles came up. It was extremely difficult for my daughter to balance the two types, myself being focused on structure and education, while she saw a revolving door of new boyfriends and baby sitters or other "grandma and grandpa" at her mother's. But over time, things became pleasant, with my ex and I at a point now where we can work with each other amicably, even if it's rocky at times. But the biggest comment that I agree with is the combination of #3 and #5. My ex did not afford me as many courtesies, but I for one felt it especially important that our daughter know that her mother and I loved each other very much, her very much, and that she came from love. I made a promise to myself that even though we ended due to her mother's infidelity, to never bring that up unless my daughter asked me about it at a age where she can comprehend. There's no point in trying to ruin the other parent's relationship with the child, because one day, she'll grow up knowing or understanding any manipulating that took place. I know my ex doesn't say the most pleasant things about me (our daughter's four now, and boy does she talk!), but the fact that my daughter sees nothing but love coming from my end, has a lot to do with the fact that she's always excited to see me when I pick her up, and when I drop her off at her mom's after a long weekend, she has no problem telling me that she'd rather stay with me, because I'm "so happy and lovey." Right to her own mother. Show your kids the kindness, respect, and love, that even an intact family is entitled to, and I guarantee, as a single and young divorced father, you'll see the reward with an affectionate, deep, and meaningful relationship with your child(ren). - 06/06/2011

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