6 Tips for Getting Over a Break Up

August 20, 2011, By Karl Withakay 1 comment

She's moved out or she doesn't love you anymore, or she told you she wants a divorce. I've been there, buddy. I know your pain. Here are some ways to conduct yourself during this difficult time.

1. Avoid alcohol. Alcohol inflates emotions. If you're angry, you're likely to get into a confrontation or a bar fight. If you're sad, you're more likely to turn into a blubbering idiot crying in his beer.

2. Leave her alone. When she first tells you that it's over, it's OK to try to talk her into staying in the relationship or going into marriage counseling. However, if she shoots you down, it's clear that she's done. Don't wait a day or two and ask her if she'd be interested in changing her mind while she's picking up her things. When she says, "No," it's going to feel as if she's twisting the knife. Why would you want to put yourself through that again?

3. Take a break. Don't go out and attempt to replace your lady right away. Dating after divorce is OK, but don't get into a relationship. You need some time to heal. If you try to get serious with someone new, it's not likely to work out. Wait at least a year after the split to move on to a serious relationship again. Taking this time will make your next relationship go a lot smoother.

4. Confide in your friends. Hang out with your favorite people. Don't let them take you out to the bar or roll a keg in the house. Do what you would do if you and your lady were still together. Watch some UFC or some football. Have a poker night.

5. Change your look. When my first wife and I split up, I had a full beard. I had always wanted to shave my sideburns and leave my mustache and a goatee. My wife would never let me do that. She claimed that it would make me look "evil." However, two days after she said she wanted a divorce, I shaved off my sideburns. She went off on me one day claiming that I did that simply to annoy her. Not true. I told her that she never wanted me to shave my beard like that, and I cared what my WIFE thought about how I looked. Since she told me that she no longer loved me and that our marriage was over, whether or not she liked the way I looked didn't matter to me any longer.

6. Keep a journal. This can be therapeutic. Every day write down how you feel about the breakup. Record things that you did that day that brought you happiness in spite of what's going on. You can do this in a notebook or even on a blog. A published blog is a great idea. It can help other guys who are going through the same thing and believe me, man, you have plenty of company.