6 Tips When Meeting Your Girlfriend's Kids

March 15, 2011, By 2 comments

6 Tips When Meeting Your Girlfriend's Kids

Here’s the story, of a man named Brady, who meets a lovely lady, only this isn’t the 70s. Maybe this story isn’t of a man named Brady, but a man named You. Now you’ve had two dates, going on the third … working your way up to 10. You really like her.

Maybe factor in a teenage daughter living with you fulltime. The lovely lady has a couple kids too. If you’re going to continue this relationship for the foreseeable future, you have to get the kids involved at some point.

I’ve been a full-time single dad for eight years. In my life there is no typical one-night-a-week and every-other-weekend thing. If I’m going to date someone and be serious about it, she will have to meet my daughter. If done correctly, it can be a very good thing. If not done correctly, it can end a relationship.

I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve held on too long in a relationship where there was a big disparity in parenting styles. Here are some things I’ve learned along the way.

  • Take it slow. Don’t meet the kids and just hop in the car for three hours for a weekend trip to the coast. If you do, one of two things is likely to happen. Either the child will grow to hate and be jealous of the new girlfriend/boyfriend, or they will get very clingy, very fast. Go for ice cream or to see a movie, then slowly forge ahead.
  • Talk about parenting styles. Make sure punishments are of a similar level. If my daughter lies about something, my first reaction would be to take away her TV and/or computer for a week. When her daughter lies, it can't be two days with no cell phone. It's obviously the actual parent's final decision, but some banter back and forth can usually put the incident in a different perspective. If they get punished very differently, one child is sure to be jealous of the other, and that definitely does not equal family harmony.
  • Be their friend, but be more than that. If you’re going to be successful at this, they have to like you and vice versa. Get to be friends, but make sure they understand you are an authority figure. The actual parent should hand out the punishment or rewards, but the child should know you’re involved with that process.

Next: Don't Be A Replacement Parent

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Comments (2):

Charlie T. I have no kids, however he has five. We have dated for 4 years and they do not even know I exist. They live in another state and he goes there once during the summer and during the holidays. He says I'll probably never meet them.... guess it's time to move on eh? - 05/31/2011
Natasha R. These are all sound suggestions. I really don't like when I see my friends introducing men to their kids on their first or second dates. I've never brought someone home to meet my daughter till we had been dating regularly for a month or so. You don't want kids to think there's a revolving door. This blog needs a companion article on what to do if you break up. That's equally as problematic. - 04/09/2011

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