Back in the Saddle
April 19, 2010, By Jeff Waddle 0 comments
After suffering through a divorce, especially if it’s messy, about the last thing most guys want to do is dive right back into the dating pool. But chances are, dive you will at some point because we are social creatures in need of companionship and watching the game with the guys gets a little old night after night.
The world of dating likely has changed since you were single, particularly if you had been married for a while. So listen up and read on—we’ll get you back in that saddle like you never missed a step.
Go with your gut. You’ll know when the time is right for you to start dating again, so don’t let your well-meaning friends or co-workers hook you up with that blind date until you’re ready. Unless, of course, you find out she’s a total babe, then your gut will probably tell you to go for it anyway.
Check your baggage at the door. It’s O.K. to talk briefly about your past marriage, especially if kids are involved because they’re still a big part of who you are today. But, the emphasis should be only briefly. If you find yourself dwelling on the ex or the divorce on a first date, it’s going to get old in a hurry to your date—meaning there probably won’t be a second date.
Explore online dating services. Even if you can’t bring yourself to actually sign up, millions of people are doing it and it’s a good way to see how they are "presenting" themselves. And, many of the leading sites offer dating tips with discussion boards and advice columnists.
Take it slow. You just got out of an intense relationship, so chill out and get back to dating at an easy pace. Getting too serious or intense too quickly is a great way to scare off a good lady. Relax and enjoy the process of getting to know each other. Remember, rebound romances can be dangerous, so make sure the feelings are genuine and not leftover baggage from the breakup.
Consider double dating. Someone want to set you up with a blind date? Fine, but ask them to come along. Double dating is a good way to take the pressure off as you and your date get to know each other. Just make sure your friends aren’t the type that will do all the talking, leaving you and your date struggling just to talk to each other.
Expand your world. Other single people—both male and female—can be a wealth of knowledge about the local dating scene and today’s dating etiquette, so try to meet other singles and spend at least some of your free time with them. All your married friends will understand.
Bring your credit card. Here’s one thing that hasn’t changed about dating, even if your last date was when Disco was King—guys are still expected to pay. Yep, you’ll need to find a few extra bucks in the budget as you stick your toe in the dating waters.
Good luck and be careful. It’s a jungle out there, but that’s half the fun.
