All New Rules

May 26, 2010, By Karl Withakay 0 comments

Though you may finally be ready to jump back into the dating scene, don't rush it. Here are a few things to consider before you take the plunge.

Children. Do you have children? Does she? If so, don't rush into introducing your date to your kids. It's a good idea to wait a few months. By then, you should be able to see if your new lady is someone who's going to be around for a bit. You don't want your children to get attached to her only for you two to break up a month later. And let her know that it's not a good idea to introduce you to her kids until you know just where the relationship is going.

Don't rush into anything. Our masculinity prevents us from admitting this most of the time: after a divorce, we can get pretty vulnerable and lonely. It's OK, it's normal. It feels good when you have a new woman who wants you. Your self-esteem has been shot down during the divorce, after all. However, it's important to take some time to heal before you date after the divorce. If you don't, you risk hurting this new woman in your life, and yourself, and neither of you deserves that.

Deal with any feelings you have for your ex before you get serious with someone else. Still love your ex-wife? It's OK, it's understandable. You married her, surely there were a lot of good times between the two of you before the marriage went sour. Dating is one thing, but you have no business getting yourself into a serious relationship with another woman if you still love your ex-wife after the divorce. Would you want a serious relationship with a woman who was still in love with her ex? Give this new woman the same consideration.

Don't parade your new woman In front of your ex. If it was a nasty divorce, it may feel good to do this, but you're going to make your new woman very uncomfortable. If the new relationship gets serious, it's best to inform your ex of it if you have kids together. They should meet one another, too. If you have visitation, it's likely that your kids will get to know this new woman as well. The mother of those children deserves to know what kind of woman her kids are going to be around. The same consideration should be given to you by your ex if she gets serious with another man.

Don't make the same mistake twice. Maybe your ex was the one who screwed up the marriage. If that was the case, this doesn't apply. However, if you are the one who screwed up the marriage, learn from your mistakes. Don't repeat the same mistakes in the new relationship.

Pep talk's over. Have fun. Be honest, be respectful, and go get 'em, tiger.