Divorced Single Parents and the Holiday Season

December 02, 2010, By David Mott 5 comments

It’s the holiday season, and for a lot of people that means extended friends and family time. Aunts and uncles throwing big dinner parties. Nieces and nephews coming to visit. Grandma and Grandpa roasting chestnuts and inviting you over to share. Your kids wanting to hit the slopes for skiing and snowboarding. Office holiday parties and happy hours. The events go on and on.

But if you’re a divorced parent at the holidays, you might approach what should be a festive occasion with more than a little apprehension. After all, you used to be part of a big happy family, and now you’re not. Maybe you’re even faced with the thought of spending part of the holidays alone.

Here are tips for surviving the holidays as a divorced parent:

• Make Plans – Know well in advance which days you’ll have your kids, and which days they’ll be with your ex. That way you can maximize the fun when you’re with your children. Want to take them skating at an outdoor rink? Looking forward to decorating a tree? Get your shopping and chores done when they’re not with you, and have a plan for events you can enjoy together.

• Be flexible - My ex-wife and I swap holiday child custody each year, so sometimes the kids are with me on Christmas Day, and sometimes they’re with her. That doesn’t stop us from fixing a holiday meal. So what if we don’t celebrate a holiday on its exact day? What matters is that we share good times when we’re together.

• Let your kids be happy – You and your ex may not get along any more, but it’s likely your kids still love both parents. When your children head off to spend time in their other parent’s home, let them go have fun without guilt. There’s more than enough holiday spirit to go around. Your kids deserve to be happy.

• You be happy too! – When the kids are off with your ex, you shouldn’t mope by yourself at home. Get out there and enjoy life. Whether that means spending time with a dating relation, spooning with a lover, visiting with friends or enjoying some quiet time to yourself, do things to keep your mood bright. 

• Focus on the good in your life – There might be moments over the holidays when you find yourself alone and you start feeling sorry for yourself. When that happens, one way to pick yourself back up is to simply focus on the good in your life. Maybe it’s your health, your home, your friends, your love for a hobby like cycling. Or maybe it’s a cup of hot coffee, or a funny TV show. Whatever – by focusing on the good, and allowing yourself to feel joy, you can be happy despite the curves life throws your way.

So enjoy those holiday events, whether your kids are with you or not. Remember, life passes quickly. Before you know it, you’ll be the one roasting chestnuts, waiting for grandkids to come visit you.

What are you looking forward to this holiday season?