How to Meet Women in a Bar

November 11, 2010, By David Mott 3 comments

As a middle-aged single dad on the dating scene, I’m not exactly out there at happy hour hitting meat-markets, trying to meet women. Bars and clubs may have been fun spots to chat women up, share a drink and a laugh, hit the dance floor, swap numbers (hopefully not fake ones), and go out on a date the following week – when I was in my twenties.

These days, in my forties, I’m not nearly as footloose and fancy-free. Other concerns have taken center stage in my life – like raising my kids, paying my mortgage, co-parenting amicably with my ex-wife. Any woman I date won’t be able to mold me; I’m already man of the house, and she has to fit in.

While being a divorced parent has limited my dating options, it hasn’t killed my night life completely. I don’t go clubbing, but I do still have my favorite bars where I like to relax over a drink. And I still meet women when I’m out and about.

Here are some tips from a single father on how to meet women in a bar.

1. Eat at the bar of a nice restaurant. Any businessperson traveling solo knows it’s no fun to eat by yourself. Eat at the bar, and you have built-in conversation partners. Even if the bar is empty, you can talk the bartender’s ear off about pretty much anything you want. And by eating at the bar, rather than just drinking, you can stay longer without looking like a drunk.

The key to meeting women at the bar is for you to talk – to anyone and everyone. Ask the guy next to you what’s good on the menu. Ask the women next to you whether their drinks are only for girls. Ask the bartender whether her best margarita recipe is better than yours. Just get the conversation rolling. Ask questions. Don’t brag about yourself. The more people you talk to and engage in laugh-inducing conversation, the more you come across as a good guy to know. And women tend to like meeting good guys. This conversational approach takes the pressure off of “the pick-up,” and you can swap phone numbers when you both realize you’d like to get to know each other more.

2. Don’t hit on the waitress or female bartender. Trust me, if your server is pretty and nice, she probably gets hit on a million times each night. What are your chances? Better to focus on other bar patrons.

3. Keep expectations low. While something like 11% of recently married couples met in bars or at social events, those people didn’t meet their prospective spouses 100% of the time they went out. Think about it – you might go to hundreds of bars and meet scores of women in the years leading up to finding the right person to be your wife. Why put pressure on yourself to meet “the one” every time you order a drink? With the pressure off, you might find yourself to be more accepting of people for who they are. By not judging their looks or social status, and instead allowing yourself to just talk and flirt, you can end up making random friendships with really interesting people.

4. Go for the kill. Make it a practice to swap numbers whenever you meet someone you share an interest with. You may not end up dating, but you could become activity partners or even fast friends. Expanding your social circle is always a good thing. And it might just lead to a dinner party or bar-b-que down the road where you end up meeting the one. This time, through friends.