You Know You Met Your Date Online When…

November 16, 2010, By David Mott 13 comments

I was recently on a date with a woman I had met online when she said something so unique and unusual, it reminded me there are things that only happen through Internet dating. (Don’t worry, we’ll get to the phrase at the end of this post.)

Dating is different when you meet online. Just by reading each other's profiles, you get a creepy sense that you know who the person is – before you even meet! Of course, sky-high expectations are impossible to meet. And sleazy intentions are sometimes par for the course.

There’s a reason I’m happy my Match.com online dating subscription ended. In 10 years of post-divorce dating, I’ve met most of my girlfriends in real life – at parties thrown by friends, at wine bars and restaurant bars, on runs and bike rides, etc. How many girlfriends were women I met online? One. That’s right, only one of the hundreds of women I met on sites like Match and Chemistry and Craigslist became a girlfriend of mine. (I shouldn’t bash Internet dating too much – I have met a few friends with benefits that way.)

Next time you’re on a date, check for these warning signs:

You know you met your date online when… while you’re waiting for her to show up, every woman who walks in and remotely resembles her description makes you anxiously wonder, is that her? Worse if you say “hi” to someone you think is your date, only to find out it’s not her.

You know you met your date online when… you hear wedding bells even before you meet. Online dating profiles have a way of creating delusions of relationship compatibility and lifelong partnership bliss.

You know you met your date online when… if you squint and imagine her five years younger and 20 pounds lighter, then she sort looks like her profile photo. Need I say more?

You know you met your date online when… your date asks how you like the online site the two of you are using. Who on earth would ask that if you’d met in real life?

You know you met your date online when… during the date, she says she doesn’t want a boyfriend, she just wants casual fun. If you met through friends, you’d assume she means hiking and biking. But since you met online, you wonder whether car sex is on the agenda.

You know you met your date online when… your date asks “are you worried about being seen by someone you know?” Um, no. Is she worried? And why is she worried. Is she married? Yikes!

You know you met your date online when… you are worried about being seen by someone you know. Pick your reason!

You know you met your date online when… after the date ends, you rush home, logon to your favorite online dating site, and search for someone else. We’re so judgmental after a first online date.

And finally, the question that a woman I’d met online actually asked me at the end of our first date.

You know you met your date online when… your date asks if the name you gave her is your real name.

Have you met any women online – and how did it turn out for you?

Comments (13):

Scott J. I've always said that if you pay attention, you'll learn a lot. People write what is made up of their personality so they really can only say so many things in so many ways and it all flows one way; from them personally. Don't read their profile or messages blindly; pay attention and don't allow yourself to make them up to be someone they're not. Read between the lines. - 09/14/2011

Sienna Jae F. The striking thing about online dating comments on this and other sites is the way they reveal such solemn, anxious searching. Less determination and more chill is plainly the secret to getting a relationship -- and in the meantime getting a life. If you approach on-line dating as a way merely to discover and hang with someone new you won’t have a single bad date because you’ve stopped looking for a first-date-to-altar trajectory. Finding your true love on line has little to do with the matching of interests (“OMG you love Maroon 5?!?!? Me too!!!”) or with the answers to pretentiously asinine questions like “What are your favorite travel destinations?” You’ll just dig each other. - 08/21/2011

Joe C. I met someone on Plenty of Fish and dated for two years. Looking back I was with a loser, constantly asking for money, wanting a daddy for her kids and someone to put a roof over her head. After that break-up I joined Match.com and found an upgrade who has a job, makes her own money and has a father for her son. We are on the same page and where we want to go in the future. - 08/04/2011

Jerry K. I've been on a few dates from Match and Craigslist. One craigslist girl I dated for nearly two years and then found out she was a cheater. I recently signed up for match, and went on about 5 different dates until I found one that I actually enjoyed. We have been dating for a month or so now, guess we will see where it takes us. - 01/05/2011

Andy S. i met a girl on FaceBook (SpeedDate app) and we've been dating for 2 years now. things are absolutely great. we hope to get married one day. - 12/09/2010

Daniela K. I think you are a bit jaded. If you go into dating with this attitude, believe me it will show. I met my husband online (we both were approaching 40 -neither of us had ever been married -professional people who just never met the right one). Yes, I met a few people who were not for me, but I truly hit the jack pot with meeting my husband. Loosen up a bit and give people a chance...you sound like a real gem. - 12/02/2010

John L. Nothing new here. Most everyone is phony on the first date. Why is this true? Because we all know first impressions count most. So we're generally all on our best behavior, until we start feeling comfortable, or decide the best way to end our disappointment with the newly-met is to act badly to minimize our appeal. Far worse is the person who acts badly from the beginning, being true to themselves, and makes it the first date from hell. Then again, seeing the Psycho From Hell in action from first sight is a great motivator to be a bit more discriminating and maybe forget the internet introductions completely. - 11/24/2010

Jeff P. My roommate after college did the online dating scene and needless to say, met some very interesting women. There was never a dull moment when they were around. And love reading some the horror stories from others. @Kim T ... sounds like you'll have a story to share for a long time. - 11/18/2010

S G. This is all too true. However, I have a hard time meeting anyone any other ways.. I guess there is no hope (Notasoccermom) - 11/18/2010

Kim T. in the first 10 minutes of reluctantly meeting the guy from Plenty of Fish he tells you he has Lyme Disease and gets panic attacks from the medication. In the next 5 minutes he lapses from charming bon vivant to a brute with no social skills (must be the meds). In the next 10 minutes tells you he waited for his ex-girlfriend in front of her house, couldn't hold it and peed 3 times into the bushes hoping she would SMELL it. And in conclusion, asks if you want to go back to his place OR salsa dancing for the remainder of the evening. This happened this past Saturday and you can't make this shit up!!! My friends would kill me if I stopped online dating - they need the comic relief. - 11/17/2010

France V. You know you're on an online date when....the man you're meeting is telling you it's his 34th coffee date in 28 days and has 5 more line up for this week! - 11/17/2010

Chopper P. My online dating experiences were always rather tame, in the sense that I was usually able to pick those 'fresh out of the box crazies' before I agreed to meet. - 11/17/2010

Nicki A. I love this! It is so true. And, I so don't miss this. Glad to see you keep a sense of humor about it. - 11/17/2010