How to Do a Sleepover as the Single Dad
October 14, 2010, By David Mott 6 comments
Editor's Note: ManoftheHouse.com apologizes for any confusion the original headline caused as Sex and the Single Dad is website run by another author. Our intention was to address the topic of sex as a single dad, not appear to use another website's content. We apologize for our error.
I’ve been divorced and raising two kids half-time for 10 years now. Just because my marriage ended doesn’t mean I went celibate. Far from it. Sex is a healthy part of life whether you’re married or single. But I also made sure not to put my kids on a dating roller coaster ride. They didn’t need to meet every woman who walked through my door, but they did meet a few.
So, how does a single dad enjoy sleepovers and sex?
Sex for a Single Dad with a Girlfriend
Soon after my divorce, I hit the dating scene looking for the next Mrs. Right – someone with marriage potential who I felt comfortable bringing around my kids. I was not looking for a step-mom for my children, since they already had a mom in my ex. But I did want someone who would enjoy being around them, and who they’d feel comfortable having in their lives.
Once I met a woman like this, we dated a full two months before I even introduced her to my children. I wanted the relationship with my girlfriend to be solid enough that there was a good chance we’d be together long-term. I also informed my ex-wife that the kids would be meeting my girlfriend. I wanted my ex to keep her eyes and ears out for any behavioral changes in our children. (We may be divorced, but we’re still in the business of co-parenting).
After my girlfriend and the kids met (they got along great), we spent a few more weeks doing activities together (going to the park, cooking dinner, watching movies) before I dropped the bomb that she’d be spending the night with the kids in the house.
The kids were totally fine with it. By then, my girlfriend had become a friend to them, and they were happy to say goodnight to her, then see her first thing in the morning. And I was happy to have some sex and spooning in my life every night, not just when I didn’t have custody.
Sex for a Single Dad with a Lover
In more recent times, I’ve given up on the quest for a new wife, and instead look for a girlfriend and lover for me – someone who won’t interact with the kids at all. As I aged into my 40s and my kids became teens, I reached a point where I didn’t want to father more children. That makes it tougher to date. Single women in their 30s and early 40s tend to be looking for a man to have kids with.
And so I focused on women in their late 20s who just want to have fun (older man younger woman relationships work for a reason), or women in their late 40s whose kids have grown and flown the coop, or 30-something women who aren’t hell-bent on finding a sperm donor.
Taking on a lover can be very gratifying. We spend occasional nights and weekends together, just the two of us, no kids involved. Some of my lovers have wanted to keep things casual, and we only have sex and sleepovers together. Other lovers were more like friends with benefits, where we did activities (wine tasting, dinner, dancing, movies) along with enjoying some time in bed.
The lovers in my life had no interest in meeting my kids, and they understood that my kids came first. If there was a school function on a night I didn’t have custody, I attended the school function and my lover didn’t get bent out of shape.
As a single dad seeking sex, I’ve found serial monogamy works best for me. Even if the woman I’m sleeping with isn’t Mrs. Right who will meet my kids and be there forever, it’s still nice to get to know someone intimately over time, rather than hustling for sex with some new stranger every free night.
In short – sex for a single dad isn’t built-in. You have to work to get it. Figure out what fits your family situation, then have fun. And don’t for one minute feel guilty about it. Sex is healthy and it is good.
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