She's Moved On

August 07, 2010, By Phil Dotree 4 comments

Divorce is ugly, as anyone who's been involved in one knows. The worst part is that long after the divorce papers are signed, you'll have to deal with a lot of uncomfortable and downright painful revelations about your ex-wife. This is especially the case when your ex begins dating and remarries.

If this happens to you, you're going to feel a lot of things all at once including anger and sadness. Many guys won't be able to tell one emotion from another. For many of us, it's hard to get a handle on something like an ex-wife's marriage.

If you've still got some feelings for her, use her wedding as an opportunity to flush your system of these. Take a short vacation and keep your mind occupied with something else. You might invest time in a hobby or start working out again to get some of your self-confidence back. If you simply sit around and think about the marriage, you'll probably get a bit depressed, and you certainly won't make any progress toward accepting your ex-wife's new life.

The important thing to remember is that you're not married to your ex-wife anymore. Repeating that fact like a mantra can help you get through a lot of tough times, and it can stop you from making some awkward or embarrassing statements to your ex.

Ideally, you'll want to avoid the marriage as much as possible. If you're invited to the wedding, politely decline. Guys need to separate themselves from a person to get over them.

Divorced parents have it a bit tougher because they can't simply step out of their ex's life. When either person gets married, things can get very tense. Resist the urge to make any sort of comment that could be seen as condescending or insulting. The best idea is to give a quick congratulations to the new couple, but don't go far beyond that. Even a mild compliment can be taken the wrong way, and your ex-wife might be especially sensitive to anything that you say.

That being said, you can sometimes make a nice gesture by offering to take care of the kids during a honeymoon, and this can help you form a relationship that protects your children down the line. Hold off on serious conversations about your children's guardianship or any concerns that you have until a week or two after the wedding. You won't help anything by getting in the way, and you may cause undue stress on the kids, who are probably already fairly conflicted about the marriage.

In any case, you'll have to be civil and courteous with your ex-wife and her husband, regardless of how you feel about either of them. Whether you've got kids or not, their marriage is none of your business and that's a great, empowering feeling when you finally accept it.