Body Rituals Among the American Male

August 14, 2010, By Timothy Sexton 17 comments

One of the classic pieces of sociological literature is the anthropological study of a bizarre North American tribe. "Body Ritual Among the Nacirema" details how the fundamental belief of the Nacirema -- that the human body is ugly -- results in an extended daily ritual designed to cover up nature's flaws. In reading Horace Miner's extraordinary study, one cannot help but draw a distinct comparison between the daily rite of facial laceration conducted by Nacirema males and the shaving conducted by most other North American men today.

Shaving

Start the shaving part of your grooming ritual by making sure that the blade is sharp. Get into the habit of changing blades on the first of the month or cleaning your electric razor on the last day of the month. Grab a bar of moisturizing soap and lather up, rinse and repeat. Since your blade is assuredly sharp, you won't need to go over any single section of the face more than twice. Shave with the grain on the first pass and against the grain on the second. Boom! You're done.

Stretching

While still in the bathroom, grab a towel and prepare to do some stretching exercises. Your circulatory system stagnates from lack of activity overnight when you sleep. Poor circulation can affect your metabolism and is central to the process of making sure every cell in your body gets the proper amount of oxygen and other nutrients. (It may not be lack of adequate caffeine that causes your morning drag so much as poor circulation.) Hold a towel over your head as you spread your hands about 2 feet apart. Pull backward on the towel until you can feel some tension in your armpits.

Sweating

Before you head out, make sure that you won't offend the delicate olfactory sensibilities of those around you. If you aren't prone to heavy sweating, you can get by with simple deodorant. If heavy sweating is a daily occurrence, you should check with your physician.

While some people have a genetic predisposition to perspiring more than average, sweating can also be a potential sign of thyroid problems, Parkinson's disease, and even an approaching stroke or heart attack. If you have found that you constantly itch after applying an antiperspirant, you could try washing with an antibacterial soap instead. Talcum powder, witch hazel and baking soda are all alternatives for those who have some kind of allergy to antiperspirants.

Brushing Your Teeth

Save yourself some serious time to brush your teeth; most people don't brush their teeth nearly long enough for it to do any good. You must brush for at least a good three to four minutes. According to various sources, the average length of time that most Americans spend brushing their teeth ranges from just 17 seconds to about a minute.

Let's face facts: Brushing your teeth is boring. A very simple approach can be taken both to increase the amount of time spent brushing your teeth and to lessen the amount of time it feels like. Brush your teeth to a favorite song or three. Most songs last anywhere from 2 to 5 minutes, although you can get up into the 7-minute range if you enjoy bands such as New Order or Pink Floyd. Pick a handful of songs that get you to between the 3 and 4 minute mark. This way you will know exactly how long to brush and the time will pass much more quickly.

From this point forward, you're on your own with your daily body rituals.